Wednesday, December 17, 2008

a need to change the teaching module..

17 Dis 08

pgi tdi a few student medic dtg approach aku d wad 6S..diorg nak tnya pd aku on formula milk.Aku tnya diorg balik.sb apa nak tau psl susu formula..diorg ckp sb nak ajar parent on formula milk..aku tnya "kenapa?" ...diorg kata " sbb ada dlam modul utk diorg kena teach parent on formula milk.."
Aku tnya balik " sb apa awak nak bg susu formula kpd pt or nak suggest susu formula?kenapa tak suruh bg Bfdg?" diorg kata " sb susu ibu takde, sb mak sbuk sgt, mak bekrja.." whattt???aku agak bngg n rs sdih jg at the same time la...then aku kata kat diorg " i dont want to accept ur reason..give me another reason..sb reason awak tuh tak kuat in medical cndition n appropriate.."

diorg pun kata la "sb ibu ada mntal illness, ada pnkit bjgkit spt HIV, Hepatitis, ibu meninggal .." ok...that aku bleh accept..n lps tu aku dgn slmbanya kata, "saya tak boleh trima alasan awak sblm ni sb sumua tuh bkn alasan yg kuat n logik..sb saya pun sbuk bkerja, dkt rmh n d opis..tapi saya juga fully breastfdg baby saya..." dalam hati ms tu bngga gak la promote diri sndri.haha..
n aku smbung lagi "awak sptutnya promote parents esp mothers on bfdg or bg breastmilk...awak spttnya cari mklumat on bfdg, macamana nak maksure susu ibu tuh ada, apa yg galakkan susu ibu boleh ada, macamana awak nak maksure mak boleh breastfeed wpun bkerja..bukan trus2 awak nak suggest susu formula....form milk should be the last resort.." bdk2 ni trus tdiam lpas aku ckp camtu..after that aku trg la skit2 psl susu formula...bila aku tnya skit2 on Bfdg, muka sume blur..aku tnya psl susu pun blur..diorg ni mmg tak cri mklmt dulu ke bfore nak tnya..agaknya diorg anggap aku akan citer sume so tak pyh la diorg sshpyh...huh..

the thing aku nak highlight is, these are 4th yr medical students..yang tggal sthun lg then nak grad as Doktors but common knowledge pun takde on bfdg..zero!!!n diorg anggap Bfdg tu mcm tah..sort of like kekampungan or orang takde duit pnya cara nak susukan anak kot...susu ibu tuh tak pntg kot..aku pun tak phm..they are going to be dctrs mannnnn!!!!they should be the one yang promote on Bfdg...n diorg siap kata, kalo tak bleh bg susu ibu, bg susu lembu or susu kambing bleh tak??whatt???aku siap bgtau..kan dlm Alquran kata soh ibu susukan anak smpi 2thun jika mampu...takde pun kata bg susu lembu or susu kmbing...then Nabi pun, ada ibu susuan..bkn diberi susu kambing wpun Halimatussadiah tu bnyak kambing...diorg ni should know better la kan...afterall, pt kan sllu dgr kata dctors bndg org lain...hmmm..the uni should tukar la module study bdk2 medic ni...should be ajar diorg ni utk promo Bfdg then bru susu formula...ini tak..tbalik...tah papa tah....

aku citer kat Dr Arzuar n Dr Nurul td..diorg kata " nasib ko fully bfdg..if tak kena btg hidung sndri.."

heheh..sb tu aku brni fire bdk2 tu sb aku practice apa aku ckp..hehehe

instroducing solid fd to my babe..

aku sgt la excited nak start solid fd utk rizqi...bnyak nak kena baca...mmg bila advice parent nmpk mcm sng jee.bg basic2 je..but nak into detail to anak sndri kena la baca lbihkan...anak diorg, diorg kena la cri detail...kita bg basic je ,guidelines then pndi2 la kan....ishh tak sbr nya...ni aku amik dr stu web ni... http://www.wholesomebabyfood.com. dpt pun dr link blog ija...tq ija..heheh

Here are a few "signs" that may indicate your baby is ready for Solid Foods:

Loss of tongue-thrust reflex - This allows baby to drink and swallow liquids with ease; with the tongue-thrust reflex still present, baby may simply drink in liquidy purees or push the food back out. According to Dr. JimSears, in the first four months the tongue thrust reflex protects the infant against choking. When any unusual substance is placed on the tongue, it automatically protrudes outward rather than back. Between four and six months this reflex gradually diminishes, giving the glob of cereal a fighting chance of making it from the tongue to the tummy

hmm..ni tak try lg..mlm ni nak try..

ready for solids Ability to let you know she is full from a "meal" with signs such as turning away from the bottle or breast. This is important so that baby is able to self-regulate the amount of food being eaten. This helps stop baby from accidentally overeating as parents may continue to feed baby thinking that she is still hungry.

yang ni mmg dah ada..kalo dah knyg abis dia bling botol susu ibu tuh..if dierct BF dia akan stop, pusing bdn n trus pjam mata smbil bunyi yang sgt puas hati...tngan terangkat ke atas ltak tpi kpla...expose ketiak dia...hahah...nmpk sgt kenyang sgguh..

ready for solids Ability to sit up and hold head up unassisted

duduk takle lgi...but dah bleh angkat kpla sndri n klo dduk kat car est pun siap angkat kpla takmo bring...

ready for solids Interest in your food (we tend to disagree with this one as when a baby reaches the age of 4-6 months, he is interested in putting everything in his mouth!)

kalo bleh pnggan nasi aku tu pun dia nak capai..sume nak..kalo nmpk org mkn dia pun sbuk mgamuk nak juga...

ready for solids Doubling of birth weight

huhu...sngttttt...dah 7.8kg dah..bru 5bln lbih...

ready for solids Frequently waking in the middle of the night when a solid sleeping pattern had been established. This may not be the best indicator that your baby is ready for solids! Please keep in mind that a growth spurt will occur between 3-4 months of age, 6-7 months of age and also 9-10 months of age. Baby may also be waking due to an illness or teething.

mmg sgt kerap bgun...mcm tak knyg ja mnum susu...


banyak yang ye drpd tak..mean dah bleh bg mkn ke????mcm2 menu dah plan ni..hehehe

my boy 1st tooth..

16 Dis 08

today, after praying Magrb I read the Holy Quran beside Zaffran Rizqi...he was playing on the bed with his Itik Digi (itik getah kuning kepala besar yang bila msuk dlm air floating but kpla dah ttunduk dlm air dulu..sama macam itik Digi.hahahah), teether, key rattles...I read Surah ArRahman, one of my fave surah to him..he was cooing n smiling like I was singing to him and speaking to him...maybe he was thinking I am singing to him..heheh..after I finished, I read the 'tafsir ' aloud for him to hear...he as usual was smiling n looking at me with his round eyes...his hands trying to reach for the Quran to take into his mouth..he does that a lot..no matter whther its a book or paper...maybe thats a good sign that he is intrested in books like his mummy or its just his interest in things I dont know...

after finishing reading the Quran, I was playing with him while waiting for Isyak...he was reaching for my fingers n pulling it into his mouth n was sucking noisily with my fingers...i suddnly just on impulse touched his gum with my fingers and I found sumtg that is hard n a bit sharp on his gum...I tried to see with the clear light onto his gum..n he just kept opening his mouth for me to see as in showing me his new developing baby tooth...heheh..it was a tooth ready to come out..its quite sharp...nut still small..hehe..i am so happy n excited ..my bby 1st tooth..no wonder u were so cranky n had a fever last week...nak tmbuh gigi rupanya ya....sian ank ibu....

excitednya aku nak tgok gigi bru dia n bg dia mkn..hehehe..adik2 aku n abumi pun xcited...zulffi lg la excited..hmmm..wknd ni nak try start mkn la...lgpun dah 5bln 3mgu dah dia..hehehe...

Friday, December 12, 2008

aku bsyukur pd Mu Ya Allah

arini Zaffran Rizqi sudah lebih sihat berbanding hari2 yang lepas....aku hanya mampu mngucapkan Syukur Alhamdulillah..tiada yang lbih indah melainkan mdgr suaranya galak ketawa riang bila diagah...

Raya pertama Aidil Adha, aku pulang beraya di Elephant's Bridge bersama keluarga...thun ni aku dpt berada d kg sb zulffi ada kursus d Penang..lang dah dtg awal smggu k Kb utk pulang drive bsama aku ke Bertam..syukur ada adik yang sgt baik dan best tu..heheh...pgi raya, Zaffran Rizqi bgun lmbt...hampir jam 9lbih..itupun aku kjut..aku rasa, kalo aku tak kjut msti jam 11 bru bgun..aku kjut pun sb aku nak mndikan dia dan aku nak mndi utk bsiap sblm org sdah solat raya..aku termiss solat sunat raya thun ni..aku kjutkan dia dan mndikan zaffran Rizqi dalam besen besi maktok yang bsar tuh, yang maktok kuarkan nak letak dgg korban nnti.hehehe..pnjam sat nooo maktok..takdak besen nak mndi anak...hahaha..after mndi n siapkan dia, dia main2 ngan org..sepupu aku rmi tlg tgokkan dia smntra aku bsiap...pkul 11 pgi, dia smbung tido lagi sround...then bgun kjap n kul 1ptg camtu dia nangis2 lg..aku nenenkan dia dan dia trus tido smpi pkul 5ptg..dptla aku menolong d dapur msk bihun sup...ptg dia bgun nmpk ok..so aku bw dia kuar ikut zullfi g pam angin keta..sok pgi2 aku n Lang nak blik Klntan sb zulffi tak abis lg...mlm tu nak blik ke Bertam, bdn dia suam ja..maktok pun kata bdn dia pns..so aku sggah farmasi cri PCM..ms suap ubat dia nangis sgguh2..sian sgt..lps aku nenenkan dia trus ttdo...smpi rmh, dia tido sat ms aku bw naik blik but lps tu tjaga...aku bw trun bwh..dia main jap then nangis..aku msukkan dlm bouncer n dia tido blik..mlm tu aku mmg tak lena tido sb dia asyik jaga n nangis..aku tak le nak pam susu lgsg sb bila bg mnyusu je dia trus diam n tido..bgun pg aku pning kpla sb tak ckup tido..zaffran lak asyik meragam..bdn dia pans..sian dia....

balik ke KB, lang yang drive all the way as Zaffran Rizqi xmau dok dlm car seat n meragam..tido pun atas bahu aku..dahla jalan jam..sian lang...Tq lang...skli lg tlg bw kakak blik KB...mlm tu dia still meragam..tido pun asyik jaga je..ikut hati mmg nak amik EL sb sian kat dia but msti BOS tak bg sb takde org keje kcuali aku n Hajra..huhu..aku pg kje Rabu tu dgn kpla yg weng n laloq sb tak ckup rst...tghri aku blik g amik lang n zaffran bw g klinik Staf..Lang g MPKB bli tdg utk kawn dia...dkt klinik jmpa Dr Long..nsib jmpa dia..sng nak citer.heheh...after g klnik aku bw MZR balik opis..dia baik je. tak meragam...tak buat prgi or nangis..berlakon kata org..hehehe..blik rmh aku bg ubt, dia start nangis..siap mnth lg...abis sumer susu ibu kluar blik..sian anak ibu tak sihat...huhuhu..bila bg ORS dia mula tak mau sb dia ingt ubat..lama2 bru mnum..siap nangis lg nak lagi bila abis..sdap kot perasa oren.hahaha...mlm tido pun kejap2 bgun..jaga ja nangis...ibu smpi pning2 kpla bgun bgi ubt tgh mlm, jerlumkan kpla ngan air asam, slimutkan zaffran...rasa mcm nak nangis pun ada tgok dia skit mcm tu..tmbh plak sorg2...nasib Lang ada tlg tgok2kan..

bgun pgi Khmis tu, aku tgok muka dia merah ja sblh..mcm naik rash gitu..taktahu napa...dia tido, dah nenen sbuh tu..aku bgun pun dah lmbt..lang siap kjutkan lgi bgun..tak sdar sb pnat sgt...Zaffran Lang bw trun bg tido di bwh..dia lena smpi kul 11 lbih...Lang tlg jaga sb dia masih suam2 bdn..tak hntr nurseri sian kat dia...nasib lang ada..if tk ssh hati aku nak p keje...then lunch, aku kuar ngan Hajra kjap cri wedding gift Cam, aku call lang, dia ckp Zaffran nangis smpi selak...tak mo brnti..taktahu napa..Lang siap nangis lg sb dia taktahu nak watpa..aku kat kdi pun siap nangis..nak blik, aku kuar ngan Hajra, serbasalah jdinya....aku nekad nak blik lps abis bli brg but lang kata Zaffran dah lena..but dok nangis skit..mcm sdih sgt cara dia nangis..aku msuk opis dgn hati yang tak tng..rasa serabut..if bleh balik, skrg gak aku nak blik...aku doa2 bos balik awal so aku nak cbut gak balik awal...sb aku dok opis takle buat keje gak sb risau sgt anak dok nangis n tak sht..tp last mnit ada pt dtg..so tpksa counsel gak pt...dlm hati gundah gulana hnya tuha yang tau..by the time abis dah 430ptg..dah bleh balik...so balik umah dia lena...then bila dia jaga dia nangis mcm sdih sgt..Lang kata dia tak mau isap susu...dia tkut ubat ke apa or sb tonsil dia bgkak..sakit nak isap ..so mgkin dia nangis sb lapaq n skit..sian anak ibu..dia jaga ja, nangis bnyi sdih sgttt...mata tpejam...aku siap nak nagis dah...so aku amik dia n pluk n nenen kan dia..dia mnum dgn sgt cpat smpi tsedak...lapar sgt ya anak ibu..sian dia...lps nenen dah knyg bru dia mcm nak main sikit...aku tgok muka dia abis merah2 yg truk...bdn pun naik merah...aku call Dr susi, Paeds yang dok blkg umah aku...(nsib aku dok perumahan usm, sume jiran SN or Doktr or staf usm) sng skit...Dr susi soh aku bw g klinik.tkut alergik to ubat..so after mgrb aku siap2 p klnik staf again...Alhamdulillah dia ok je..tak nangis ke apa...siap gelak2 main lg.doktr ckp soh bw g kcemasan sb dia kata dia takle buat apa..kat A&E diorg bleh observe..mmm drpd g kcmsan baik aku g Paeds 6S.cari mana2 dktr..aku pun naik 6S cari dokt...nsib ada Dr Arzuar..one pf my fave paeds...dia cek, dia kt takde apa..lung clear, takde tachypneic ke apa..just rashes..dia bg ubt piriton, calamine utk sapu...lega sgt...Syukur aku kje kat Peeds ward..bleh la cri paeds if papa hal..huhuh...blik bg ubat n bg dia tido..but as mlm2 sblmnya dia nangissss ja...asyik jaga n nangis...aku mmg totally exhausted...seriusly...

but today dia dah ok...main pun ok..tido pun lbih elok...mlm ni lps mgrb trus tido n bgun myusu skli skjap n trus tido blik...aku pun saja ja surf net n tjmpa this one blog..http://mysuperchild.blogspot.com/ bila aku baca, aku sgt tsntuh hati... buat aku bnyak bfikir n yng lbih mnyntuh hti aku, aku keje di wad paeds- Neonate, prem, paeds Onko n paeds med tpi aku tidak pernah rs prsaan yg aku lalui skrg ni shgga ke thp ini..

sblm aku ada anak, aku bila counsel parents spt takde prsaan sgt...bg nsht n kdg aku sdkit refuse utk understnd prasaan ibu itu...aku sllu anggap itu hnya kdg kala alasan smata sb kdg2 mcm2 alasan yang org bg.huhu.....but since aku ada anak sndri aku lbih cuba memahami keadaan ibu itu dan cuba mysesuaikan nsht aku sbaik mgkin dan kini stlah lalu bbrpa hri yang bg aku getir, aku lbih phm n trasa sbgitu bslah sb tak cuba nak phm prsaan ibu2 yg anaknya kluarmsuk wad aku sblm ni...yang anak2nya spastic, cerebral palsy, jantung berlubang, fitting all the time, yang ada leukemia, kanser dll...ada a few of pt aku yg sllu sgt kuar msuk wad yg smpi buat aku rapat n boleh btkar citer dgn ibu diorg yang anak2 msing2 adalah special atau pun diuji Allah dgn ujian pd usia yg masih muda kbnyakannya...dan aku sgt salute pd mereka kerana mereka diduga dgn dugaan yang hebat itu tapi msih mampu tabah dan kuat mhdpi dugaan Allah..sdgkn aku yg hanya di duga dgn ujian Zaffran dmm bbrapa hari saja sudah menangis ksdhan dan ksian..aku tidak mmpu mbygkan bgimana jika aku ditmptkn d tmpt mereka..mampukan aku skuat mereka...apatah lgi jika anak2 yang berulang kali mjalani kemoterapi, Op utk buang tumor..Subhanallah..mmgla..Allah jdikan wanita itu sebgi ibu , insan yg ckup istimewa...kerana seorg ibu mmpu utk melalui apa saja utk anaknya..mmgla ptut seorg ibu itu lbih diuatamakan drpd ayahnya disbbkn pgorbann seorg ibu itu yg tidak thgga...

n aku sgt bsyukur, dikurniakan anak yang sihat dan smpurna InsyAllah..Tok Wa pernah kata ms aku dlam pantang, "takpela anak ni cerah ke gelap ke kulitnya...asal sihat sdahla.." ms tu aku tak phm lgi...but skrg, aku lbih phm n aku lbih bsyukur atas apa yng Allh kurniakan...terimaksih Allah sb bg aku ujian dan hidayah ini...insyAllah lps ni aku akan cuba mnjdi dietitian yang lbih baik n empati pd hti dan prsaan ibu2 di wad aku...semoga ibu2 di luar sana yang diberikan ujian akan lbih tegar dan tabah dalam menjalani ujian Allah..

PS: Lang, tq tlg kkk jaga zaffran 2mgu ni..if takdak awak, kakak taktahu la sapa nak mnt tlg..msti kakak nangis mlm2 sorg2...huhu :(

Thursday, November 27, 2008

apa la yang aku mngarut nih...

I took an EL ysterday...I woke up yesterday morning with a quesy stomach n nausea n dizziness that makes me had to lay back a few times to cool down my stomach...lastly, I called my boss n asked for an EL...after arranging for El to cover my clinic, I went back to sleep as Zaffran was already sleeping again..well its raining n its cold...so sleep was the best medicine..huhu..the whole day I was quesy n doesnt feel good..I decide I didnt want to send Zaffran to the nursery as i dont think I can drive that far..so I cooked chicken soup for lunch..while the chicken soup was broiling, then suddenly the gas finished. I had to take Zaffran to the shop n get a new gas..huhuhu..n I had to roll the heavy tong by myself tooo..boohoho...poor me..even with the chicken soup I had to take plain water to ensure the soup n rice stay in my stomach..I dont know why I feel so quesy...n the bile feels like its creeping into my esophagus n treatened to go out...huhu..its felt like when u had eaten a bad fish n u had a stomachache but without the diarea...I dnt know how to describe it... n today I can go to work but I cant even finish the rice that I took for lunch..my frens said I look like hell..hahah..ya..i think so...with the worrying about the BiG question MARK thing, n the lack of sleep..i guess i do look like hell...huhu..I talked to Ija about the big question mark thing...it calms me a bit...hope its not what Im thinking...huhuhu..speaking of Ija, she's a fren that I met tru Susuibu.com...she's the one that approached me 1st at ym..n since then I think we are quite good frens..talking to her or I mean Yming with her almost daily does makes my day...at least I got sumbody wif the same situation n status , halatuju or goal that is fully Bfdg, helps me a lot during this new journey of motherhood..she does have lots of good advice n tips though....Im sure gonna miss her after next week...huhuhu.."Ija...u takle YM kat rumah ke??heheheh" I never met her or speak to her, n even dont have her fon number but we are frens...we talk daily, change ideas, tell stories of each other...huhu..im sure gonna miss that...well, thats another thing that makes me amaze about frenship sumtimes...huhu..u never meet that one person but u can still be good frens wif them..=P

sometimes, when i reflect back of my life... in my daily life as a wife n mother, I do tend to be a bit selfish...I tend to write all the joyful think about being a mother in my blog, talked about my baby all the time even to a stranger, I dont have enuf time for my frens, I tend to be a bit selfish of myself n time...I dont know why..maybe when u are a mother, u have this feeling of protectiveness like a lioness taking care of her den , that makes ur bby ur priority above other things....I am sorry dear frens if I seems to talk so much about my bby...If I hurt u guys in sum ways..or if im being too selfish about my happiness or my new life...or i seems to ignore what u r going tru or doesnt cntact u too often...I am so sorry...its just that, sometimes when I am sleep deprived,when I am tired, I am only thnking about myself, my husband, my bby, my life n tend to forget others... sometimes I cant help feeling a bit jealous for those who are still so single n available that have all the time in the world for themselves...travel here n there,having so much fun huhuhu..n can sleep all they want...huhu..but wat Im going tru is such a blast actually...i dont regret it but I felt a stabbed in my heart sumtimes of sadness n feeling of guilt when people said that they are so jealous of what I have in my life..I wish I can whipped my magic wand n make them so happy too....n I pray the best for them so that they would find the joy that I have in their life..InsyAllah...


ish...apa yg aku mbebel pun taktahu la...huhu...

PSssstttt: this is the tired mind talking...huhu..dont listen to any of this or take it to the heart..its just sumtg ringankan minda aku yg tgh risau..huhuhu


Wednesday, November 19, 2008

proud to be a breastfeeding mummy...

"Mothers shall suckle their children for two whole years; (that is) for those who wish to complete the suckling. The duty of feeding and clothing nursing mothers in a seemly manner is upon the father of the child. No-one should be charged beyond his capacity. A mother should not be made to suffer because of her child, nor should he to whom the child is born (be made to suffer) because of his child. And on the (father's) heir is incumbent the like of that (which was incumbent on the father). If they desire to wean the child by mutual consent and (after) consultation, it is no sin for them; and if ye wish to give your children out to nurse, it is no sin for you, provide that ye pay what is due from you in kindness. Observe your duty to Allah, and know that Allah is Seer of what ye do. (Al Baqarah-233)

I am a dietitian..n I'm in charge of the Paeds ward in HUSM ..n as a dietitian, a lot of people including Doctors ask me n consult me on the best quality of formula milk a mother can give..the usual question I asked usually is, how old is the kid...if its below than 1 yr, I would say mummy's milk..!!!hehe..but if its more than 1yr I would advice as needed.. n when people asked me what formula I give to my baby, I am proud to say Im fully breastfdg..up till now..people would be amazed n they would usually cont with another question...mix fdg?if fully Bf how are u giving the milk to ur bby??? EBM la..duhhh...what really amaze me sumtimes, we are working in a BBY FRIENDLY HOSPTL, in PAEDIATRIC WARD..they should know better or at least have the knowledge about Bf...but sumtimes I find they tend to resort to FSM as its much easier rather than had to find time n effort to EBM n feed ur baby continuously...

For me, I am proud to say that I am fully breastfdg my babe n I planned to give him till 2yrs old.....evnthough it takes me lots of times, cutting down my resting n free time, makes me a bit self absorbed with myself but it really satisfy me...as I can brestfeed my babe..it really is a luxury that I have to fully Bfeed my babe..i think thats the only time I can bond n connect with my babe...when he's laying in my arms n sucking, there is this one feeling that I cant describe that runs tru my heart tht makes me feels so happy..seing him sucking enthusiastically n playing with my clothes or necklace or rubbing his cute little fingers against me makes me so happy...I cant imagine any other way for me to bond with my babe..as thats the only time in my daily days for me to be ith him only, in our own world..n when zulffi is available, we would include him in our little world..bonding us together just by the act of breastfedding, being this one small happy famly ..

I cant imagine why lots of mothers tend to resort to formula milk..it do cost lots of money to buy milk evry month..I prefer to spend my money to buy a good pump that can be use lots of time rather than spend money evry month to buy milk...that money I can use for more other thg like shoppppinggggg!!!hahahaha...

what I have seen in my daily job as dietitian, lots of mum prefer to give FSM maybe bcoz they think that formula milk is much more expensive so its a better quality than mum's milk.as mum's milk is easily available,n u can just be simply expressed or give u babe to suck..huh..what the......I dont know who gives that idea to them...eventhough the famly income is not that good but they tend to prefer to buy formula milk...huhu...well, its my job to advice them on Bfdg but sum of them just didnt bother at all..they claimed, no milk supply or suply is tooooo lowww...welllll, if u didnt feed ur babe how can the suplly be increased...duhhh..org bg nsht kdg bkn nak dgr....bg alasan...org mcm ni yang aku mls nak kaunsel tuh..huhu...
tpi thankfully, since aku bria2 pam susu kat opis, my fren pun yng nak kwen or msih single sgt bmint nak Bf gak nnti..n I got sum fren from susu.ibu.com like Ija, asnidaz, hanum yg bleh btkar cite n idea..yg saling mggalak kan satu sama lain...n sum of my dctrs fren like dr noraihan, intan n the nurses in 1TB yg galak aku utk BFdg...n they are making me a model utk galak pt spya Bf gak..hehe...well, I hope my efforts is worthwhile n I can be role model to others to Bfdg too...it sure is worth it....my baby loves me more, n he's getting smarter n smarter evryday just with mummy's milk..not moooooo's milk..hahah..just yesterday on the way back from nursery I gave him his last bottle of EBM, he sucked it hungrily...n he can hold it with his hands....huhuhu..Im so proud of u my boy...n when the milk is finished, he shake the bottle to see if there is still any milk..when he feels a bit of mlik still there, he put it in his mouth n cont sucking till its finished..then he shake it again, n he felt there was no milk, he let go of the bottle n grab his rattle n play with it...good boy...smart one for his 4mnths age..I am so proud of u my boy!!!!!!

Monday, November 17, 2008

my baby, my love...


last night, Rizqi slept quite early...he fall asleep in the car seat on the way home from the nursery... Zulffi came home quite late last night as he had to work late..as Rizqi is sleeping n zulffi was not at home I was quite bored with nothing to do...I had all the time for myself BUT I DONT HAVE ANY IDEA what to do with myself...I planned to read a new book that I bought at MPh online but, I dont feel like reading....when u have finished a book n plan to start a new one it does take some effort sometimes...huhu...want to chat?hmmm the effort to plug on my laptop n modem does not really entice me...hmmm..lastly I planned to watch the soooo many DVD's I havent watch yet..but in the middle of the story, the DVd got hang...duhhh..boriingg..lastly..I just watched the news n waited till nine to watch CSI MIami..duhhhhh

I used to have all the time in the world to do what I want bfore the bby was born...but I usually spend my days with books..now with a baby, I spent my time playing n taking care of him...hehehe.. I kind a miss the time for me to 'guling guling' on my bed while reading a book..now, I can still do the same but if he cried, then I had to stop..the only time to read while breastfeeding him n when he is sleeping or when he is laying beside me on the bed n play with his rattle..hehehe...

last Friday morn, I was reading a book while Rizqi was playing with his rattle..when suddenly he was quiet n his face n body turned towards the window..he was kinda listening very carefully..when i tried to listen what was he listening to..I realized that the sounds of the frogs after the rain was quite loud..no wonder he looks so amazed..hehehe...he was quite funny the way he's listening to the sound of the frogThat means my boy hearing is good..hehehe ..boyyy...he sure is getting smarter ..

he is growing so quickly...he's getting chubbier, longe
r n smarter...he can laugh a lot, or smiles or talk to me with the language only baby knows what.. rite now, when we are eating he would look n open his mouth like waiting for us to give him a taste of the food. the pict of him with the ice cream was at Cameron last week...he was making a big fuss as he saw me n zulffi was eating icecream n kinda wanted to cry bcoz we refused to give it to him..when we put the ice cream on him, n he held it, suddenly he quit crying n start crying again when we took it back n want to eat it.. at last, we had to eat it bhind his back...n ysterday when I was eating Cek Mek, he was looking at the kuih n salivating so much...poor boy...wait till u r 6 mnth yaa..then ibu will feed u all the delicious fd n healthy fd..hehehe..ibu will practice alllll the advice ibu gives to ibu's pt's parent to u....boy..Im sure couldnt wait to feed u..n then u would weigh more...huhuhu...lnguh laaa tgn ibu...hahahaa..
sumtimes, I kinda miss the little boy he used to be...he's growing so fast..sometimes, when the nanny told me what he's been doing or any new dev.he did that dad, I cant
help it to feel a bit sad as I was unable to see that new development as I had to work n only see him in the evening...if he slept right after we came home, then the only time I have to play with him is on the way to work...sometimes the 20minutes in the car was the only time I had to play with him in the whole day..huhuu sometimes I just wish I can stay at home n babysit him...But I know I would bore myself to death if Im a 247 stay in mum n housewife..huhuhu..the only time I feel content is during the weeknd when I can play n cuddle him all I want...

the trip to Cameron Last week was quite rejuventing for me n Zulffi...I can spend quality time with them without having to cook, or housekeeping...hahaha ...n it sure spice up thg for me n Zulffi...its a reconnecting time for me n him..sometimes I had been to busy with being a mum that I forget that I am also a wife..poor Zulffi....I vow to be a better wife to him...I had to learn how to manage my time as a wife n mum, balance my responsibilities for both of my luv, to be there for them...it sure is not an easy job but I will try n try to be the very best....

Thursday, November 13, 2008

kdi mamak yang hampes

today me, EL n Hajra was supposed to go out to lunch to a kinda special place...Hjra is going to Spore nxt week for a week attachment at SGH..so both of us gonna miss her a lot for a week...me n EL had been waiting for her since 1230 as she's gone on ward rounds wif Prof Mus..we were quite hungry...but till one she still havent come down yet..we waited till 130 pm...after she came down at 130, we went out to hv our lunch...all of us were verrrrrrrrrrrrrry HUNGRYYYYYYY and cannot make decisions where to go...Me n Hjra wanted to eat Mcd but EL wanted to eat nasi beriani...so we went to this one Mamak Restaurant nar Billion that sells quite good Nasi briani but quite expensive n the staff is quite hmpes or rude...but as all of us were very hungry n cannot make any decision so we just ate there....

even when we had just sat down, all of us had been grumbling about the staff 's attitude...they were being quite rude..talking a lot of unneccesary thgs n making comments that made us feels irritated...

I asked for mee grg mamak but the cook asked if its ok that he cook mee grg ayam wif smbal ayam...HELLOOOOO.. i asked 4 mee grg mamak la....nak msk yg lain watper....hishhh

when the fd arrived, all of us was eating hungrily when suddenly I saw a piece of wire in the mee..it was quite long...I was quite pissed off wif them...how can a wire get into the fd...so I make a complaint to them...they served me another mee wif less portion n items in that me...grrrrrrrr....

Hjra said to remind her next time not to go there anymore even how desperate we are for fd..how good the fd was, DONT GO THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!...EVERRRRRRRRRR!!!!!...

I said if we go there again, I will kick their A** off...but Hajra said, she will kick her a** for herself...hahahah.... =)

menu plan for syarif...

Yesterday as usual ari Rabu pgi aku kena jaga k.diet utk outpt…the whole morning I was bz with pt yang takde la ramai pun..then ada dktr MO jr 6S call sb minta wat meal plan for Syarif. Syarif is a pt yang sgt cachexic sb ada CF..oral intake is poor..so nak increase kan oral intake dia pnya la ssh sb appetite low..camana kita nak force pt makan if dia tak nak mkn mlainkan msuk Ryles Tube utk start RTFdg…that’s the only way nak optimizr intake without pksa pt mkan…but RT dah off ritu sb apa tak tahu la…

Ok…diorg nak meal plan, aku buat la meal plan..but yang aku tak sukanya, bila ptg tuh. Diorg dah call bnyak kali tnya aku taknak naik ke tgok..aku sort of geram la juga..kita nak wat meal plan its not as if kita bleh whizzed off like a wizard n here we have a meal plan…u have to calculate the requirement, CHO, fat prot etc, then tgok fave food dia..apa yg dia tak suka..apa yg available…diorg expect aku nak wat plan, just main reka ja apa2 menu..then dapur bleh mskkan trus especially utk dia…hello….this is Gov hosp tau…bkn private or rmh yang kita simply bleh request…its not as easy as that…tmbhn dpur tgh renovate so nak dptkan menu yang plik2 payah la sikit…so kena la tgok menu dpur..n reka menu for the pt. ..kita bleh la buat menu but pt nak mkn ke tak that’s another issue..but as Doktrs nak juga soh buat menu plan..tak kira la pt leh mkn ke tak..then aku buat la…but pd aku its just a waste of plan as pt takle nak totally comply pun 100%..just skdar nak cntikkan dlm folder pt ada menu plan…hmmm..if review balik lps ni, why pt wt tak naik..hmmm..msti nak slahkan dietitian balik…tak manage properly..salah siapa sbnrnya….

Sumtimes doktrs tend to assume that we are all don’t have other jobs to do than tgok pt…n they tend to think manage diet pt is as simple as balaja masak…ingt sng camtuh ke..if tak, takde la smpi 4thun kena blaja utk dpt degree dietetic…n sumtimes I think doctors are quite self absorbed wif themselves…whatever they want or need, its pronto…no waiting whatsoever…if they think they are rite n know it all, they not tend to listen to other professionals’ opinion…huhuh

So to my dear frens or sisters (Rehan, Nawal, Nabilah) who’s going to become a doctr, or is a dctr, please remember that u need others to ensure the pt is being taken care off n heal them..u need others to be a good dctrs…U cannot do all the thing by urself..let others do what they know best…n be a good dctr that take people’s feeling into consideration…

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

bah oh bah...


bah as in banjir in bahasa Kedah means flood with lots of water...hmm...musim hujan sdh bermula..bmkna musim banjir akan tiba..which is kinda blessings in sum ways...but not to people yang rmhnya kena landa bah la...its been much colder n wetter than before..aku sgt suka..sb?sjuk...no need to psg aircon mlm2 sn perspirate like a wet rat n my bby sleeps much better n he smells much nicer in the morning..if not, bau peluh je but still smells like a bby..hehehe..Rizqi past few weeks had been having rashes on his body, face , forehead..in its quite upsetting to see my baby full of red rash...poor boy..so Zulffi n I decided to install airconditioner in our room just for my little prince...my dad said ' Itu baru la namanya sayang anak!!!' heheh...i guess.his skin is quite sensitive like mine...cant be in much heat or sweat a lot as I would develop this rash n eczema..but as an adult I can tolerate the heat n rash more than a bby..he didnt of coz complain but he becomes more restless n fidgeting more n rubbing his cute face with his tiny fingers n hands.. I think if he can scracth his face , he would done so till its raw..huhuhu...

but thats not what Im wanna talk about.. today I came to the offfice with plans to settle my job early n finish whats need to be done n go to ward n see the retrovirus +ve bby ..but when I want to sit in my chair I saw that there's a pool of water beside my PC n my 'telekung' in the bag was soaked...n water was dripping from the ceiling as there is a hole which the contactor that build the ward upstairs recently made for only God's know what purpose was that hole is...
so Hajra n I had to move our table n Pc table n evrythg to avoid from more water dripping n wetting our stuff......huhuhu...so rite now Hjra is facing the front glass door that makes her visible to evryone that pass by including the BOSS..yikessss... n me, situated discretely from the door...having my own little space..huhuhueasy for me to EBM daily..hoorayyyy..hehehe...well, all in all, there's a blessing with this ' bah' hehehe...but its so far (as if..huh!)for me n Hajra to whisper n gossip n plotting sum scheme of our own..hahahah..

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

sabar je la ngan dentist aku ni..

I am quite annoyed n irritated wif my dentist rite now..I have been wearing my braces almost 4yrs now..before this I was in UKM, having treatment wif my Dr Nora, then when I moved to HUSM, I requested for a trnsfer to HUSM...

its much better as I dont have to flyout to KL evry month n I can just take the time out to go to KPPG..today was the so called appointment..the apmnt before was cancelled a few times as the dentist had to go to PTK exam, student exam bla bla bla...so I was practically waiting n excited for the apmnt today as all my teeth had close the space up... I was hoping the apmnt today, my braces can be removed...as my gingivitis from my prgnancy was not resolving but becoming worse...but she was not there today..she had to go sumwhere n the junior dentist was there replacing her..what can she do...she's a junior only...she saw maybe about 2minutes n said nothing was to be changed..just cont the same treatment..andddddd my pissed me off was the next apmnt is at the end of January...almost 3 whole months...urghhhh..I am really irritated n annoyed rite now...its the cancelation of the apmnt n moving it ahead that makes me mad...how long do I have to wait...its almost 4yrs now..I am sure that the next apmnt will be moved ahead again..huhuhu..

I am totally bored n fedup wif my braces rite now..sumhow,I just wished I ahdnt bother to wear it in the 1st place.....

new post new site

this is the 1st new post as a mum at a new blog page..but actually not so new..I have been writing at this page since the arrival of my baby in the womb..sort of a secret diary..hehehe..and Im so used to write in Frenster blog but lately, sumbody has been tracking my blog..sumbody that I dont wish to have then read whatever it is...I know this blog is accesible to but maybe Its much better than the previous one..I dont know...hmm hope its better...

everybody is out to bank...Im alone at the office..havent EBM yet..in a little while I guess..hmmm.we got our monthly meetg today...BOOOORRRIIIINGGGG... had to hear the bos yack yack n yack..huhuhu...yesterday already got almost 2hrs of lecture...huhu..I almost nod off during the speech in his office..but what to do..just listen n continue to nod..hahahah..very obedient of me...

Im practically salivating for a McD or Burger King burger rite now..dont know why but..feels like eating..huhuu

Rutin baru as IBU ZAFFRAN RIZQI

my new daily routine since becoming a mom

6 pagi : bangun mandi dan solat subuh
6.30 pagi : pam susu dan siapkan botol2 susu dan pakaian Zaffran Rizqi ke

nursery
7 pagi : bersiap ke opis
7.15pagi : kejutkan zaffran dan tukar pampers, bsuh muka dan siapkan

zaffran
7.30 pagi : hnatar Zaffran ke nursery dan masuk opis
8.30 pagi : naik wad tgok pt
11-12 pagi : pam susu
12 – 2 ptg : buat apa2 yang patut..heheheh
2-4 ptg : buat kerja2 yang ptut juga
4 ptg : pam susu lagi utk stok esok ke nursery
4.55 ptg : amik Zaffran dr nursery n balik umah
5.30 ptg : smpi umah..tidurkan Zaffran sekejap. Solat asar dan mndi, pam susu lagi
6.00 ptg : bagi Zaffran minum susu ibu yang berkhasiat tinggi
6.30 ptg : masak makan malam
7-8 mlm : makan malam, layan Zaffran, kemas dapur, solat Magrib
8-9 mlm : solat Isyak, main dengan zaffran, geletek2 dia, agah2 dia smpi dia

penat dan trus ttidur
9 malam ++ : menidurkan diri yang kepenatan.
1 pagi : bangun bg zaffran minum susu ibu sampai puas
4 pagi : bangun bg Zaffran minum susu lagi….
6 pagi : bangun tido for good utk mulakan another day routine…



huhuhu…penatttt kdg2 trasa spt takde ms utk diri sndri…but sgt bahagia n happy

Raya wif my two guys...

this raya, aku dan zulffi raya bertiga wif MZR…aku dr awal puasa dah excited nak balik raya kali ni..ntah napa trasa raya kali ni lbih bmkna..mgkin disbbkan khdiran anak permata hati aku dan zulffi, cucu pertama abumi dan mama, cicit kedua maktok dan wan, cucu sdara kepada Onni lang, wan cik, tok njang dan Wan teh..hahaha dan tak lupa anak sedara kdua kepada sepupu2 aku yang msih skloh rndh dan menengah…kbnyakannya tak tgok lgi rizqi kcuali yang dok dkt2 di kdh je yg dah tgok…so raya kali ni aku lbih excited nak bw Rizqi balik ke kpg..

kami bertolak awal pg Isnin drpd Pasir tumboh..zulffi kja mlm tuh..so blik pg tuh, trus btolak ke Penang..jam sejam kat bulatan pasir mas..tuh tak kuar klntan lagi..huhu..Alhamdulillah spnjg jalan clear..cuma bnyak kete skit je..but ok…Rizqi tido punya la lama drpd naik keta kuar rumah smpi dah nak smpi kat Bertam baru jaga…tak nangis pun..smpi2 ja di rumah, wan abu dan tok ummi dah sbuk menanti nak main ngan cucu…gamat yang amat suma tgopk dia dah mkin bam bam dan pndi ketawa pdhal bru bpisah sebulan aja….seronok aku dpt buka puasa bsama adik2 dan abumi d rmah…n buat ptama kalinya puasa kali ni aku mkn berbuka yang sgt puas hati n btul2 knyg…time lain tuh bkn tak knyg but rs tak puas hti mkn..manataknya..mkn mskn sndri, n smbil meriba anak bbuka puasa..trasa lain bila dpt relax smbil buka rmi2…

soknya slsa btolak blik ke Elephant;s Bridge (titi gajah)..teh dan pak njang dah smpi…smpi ja, sbuk suma nak amik Rizqi..Alin sepupu aku yg pling kecik n mnja dgn aku trus melompat2 tgok aku..dah hmpir sthun aku tak jmpa dia..dulu ms kje di KL hmpir tiap 2,3 mgu skli aku blik ke rmh teh..rindu yg amat pd dia sbnrnya…huhu.dia pun sbuk la berkepit ja ngan aku 2,3 hri tuh…melepas rindu pd aku agaknya…rmi yg sbuk nak jd bby sitter but rmi juga yang sbuk nak kcau as in trik tlga Rizqi, cuit hdg dia, pgg tgn dia..biasala bdk2..curious…last2 dia ngis sb rimas..so aku risau sb ada yg dah melangkah dia, aku bw ngan tilam2 dia ke dpur..haaa…tgokla ibu msk buka pose…buka mlm tuh mkn nsi lmak..sdapppppp..(mcam la tak pnah mkn nsi lmak..heheh) n buka pose lps tuh, hari ini dlm sejarah ada org yg jaaaaraaaaaaaaannng sgt bsuh pggan bsuh pggan..so kami2 lepak la..hehe

pg raya soknya, suma dah bgun awl mndi n bsiap d pg raya..aku antra org yg trakhir bsiap..time org dah siap pki telekong nak solat raya dah..hahaha..yer la..nak mndi anak dulu bru mak bleh mndi…anak nak kn comel2…thun ni Rizqi pki Romper (baju fav ibu dia belikan..) biru hijau mcm ibu dan abah dia…then ms solat raya, aku ltakkan dia sblh aku..thun ni takde org yg Raya awal la plak…so tpksa la bw skli smyg..dia snyap ja..ms smyg, dia gelak2..ingt aku agah dia plak…cuma ms Pak Chaq baca khutbah raya bru dia nangis nak nenen dan trus lena…baik btul bdk ni…slps solat raya spt biasa acara melilit tdg raya, hehehe..mkn da tgkap gmbr satu kluarga…thun ni suma blik raya kcuali Ammar dan rehan di over the laut…pak njang ja beraya d perlis..so takde la gmbr raya Pak Njang skluarga..aku tak ke mana sgt..just pg berya di Bukit Tinggi n then ke rmh Ayuni..lama sgguh aku tak jmpa makayah dia n pg rmh dia..ksibukan msg2 buatkan tpisah jauh..bby bru dia yang bru 7 hri comel..muka mcm Azmil je..mlm raya bdk2 ni main mercun raya sponsored by tokei mercun Pak Njang..hahahah

Raya kdua, aku klm kabut bsiap sb nak balik ke Lenggong ptgnya..aku hnya pergi rmh Aliza n Jihan Jihah sb nak tgok anak diorg yg bru lhir..rmi la kwn2 Rizqi nnti..hopefully pshbtn aku dan mak2 diorg akan btrusan ke anak2 plak…after blik amik brg di Bertam, kami btolak blik LG..sdih sb skjp ja d rmh…thun ni takdan nak p umah Ngah Fuziahm Tok njang , Tok ngah mud bsama2 adik2 n sepupu n melepakkan diri ke shpg cpmplex skjap spt tradisi thun2 lalu…huhu sdihhhh….

smpi di Lg dah dlm 5,6ptg..trus pg ke rmh Cik yah sbb sdara2 nak tgok Rizqi…lps mgrb kami pulang bermalam di Rumah Rehat lenggong..hahaha..ada knangan manis aka dan zulffi di rumah rehat ini raya thun lalu….hehe..smpi bila2 pun msti akan ingt pnya….kan sayang?hehehe
jumaat tghri after beraya ke rmh mak ngah dan pak teh kami trus bgerak balik ke KB knvoi ngan jiji…smpi di Kb dalm 4pm..sian Rizqi dah takmau duduk dah dlm keta sb jammmmmmmm spnjng jalan..dah lama sgt..duduk slah bring salah…ltak2 ja di atas tilam, dia mcm seronok sgt…mcm happy giler sb dpt bring n merengek2 skjap trus tido…aku dan zulffi kpnatan travel..ari2 berjalan kami…sian zaffranrizqi…heheh..mlmnya aku nak kuar g cari KFc ke kat Kubang kerian buat mkn mlam..tp bru nak kuar jalan besar dpn umah tuh, tgok2 jam yg amat truk…trus tak jd aku…trus pthbalik n mlm tuh kami mkn maggi ksg je..sian kamiiii…


but apa pun raya kali ni lain sb raya bsama anak…sb slain pk nak hapy2 kat kg kena pk anak…nak tgkap gmbr bnyak2 mcm sllu kdg2 tak smpt sb anak nangis ke apa…huhuh..tp bnyak la gmbr MZR thun ni..duit raya pun banyak….hihihi

dulu dan sekarang..

lain rasanya bila beranak kecil..memang ssguhnya khidupan mmg berubah..all the usual routine habis lari..terpaksa di atur semula rutin harian dan hidup…

dulu, bgun pagi siap brg aku sndri ja…sekejap ja..kalo bgun lmbt pun takpa lagi sb msih smpt..tp skrg, kena bgun awal nak siapkan brg dia nak p nurseri n siapkan botol susu dia, n perah susu utk stok hntr nseri…

dulu kuar rumah 750pg, siap pun lambt ja…tp sekarang,dtang keja pgi kena kuar n siap awal sb 1st nak kena hntr dia nurseri..2nd kdg pagi sblm pg keja nak kena susukan dia dulu..if tak, nnti MZR takmau dok dalam car seat…n aku pun rs mcm tkilan ja if pg tak smpt nak main2 n agah MZR n susukan dia…tringat2 je dia…

dulu aku park d blkg opis..dkat..jalan sikit je..then skrg,dtg keja hari2 kena parking dkat park pelawat sb senang nak kluar lunch nak pg tgok MZR di nurseri ataupun nak balik ptg nnti nak amik dia n tpksa jalan jauhhhhh sikit menempuh panas mentari…hmmm..no wonder berat aku trun..hahahah..

dulu, lunch hour esp ms pose ni bleh la tido kejap atau lelapkan mata..but skrg, kena pg wad utk pam susu ataupun pam dkat bilik…ikut mana yg rajin…hehehe

dulu balik ja petang2 smpi umah 5.05ptg,,skrg 5.30ptg..kdg awal drpd tu skit..

dulu balik keja bleh trus sggah PKT beli brg umah atau singgah beli air tebu d tepi jalan balik..tpi skrg kena stret balik umah takle singgah2..sian MZR lama2 dlm keta..panas…n kdg dia dah tidoo..(dia naik keta ja tidoo..takdak keja lain…huhuhu) sian nak angkt2 dia..

dulu, balik umah bleh lepak2, tgok tv dulu, then bru mndi…skrg balik umah melayan MZR…susukan dia, main ngan dia, mndi solat n siap nak msk…krg dia takmau duduk, abah dia kena jaga…mkn pun beribakan dia…tmsuk dlm bulan pose ni….huhuhu

dulu, mlm2 lps solat lepak2 tgok tv smpi lewat mlm atau lepak baca buku, guling2 atas katil hayati novel aku tuh..but skrg, lps isyak ja kdg trus tido dah sb penat n esok pg nak bgun awal pg plak…

dulu, bila2 bleh baca buku…tak kira ms n tmpt…wknd pun lepak ja…skrg, nak baca buku pun kdg takde ms…satu buku bhari nak hbis..nak baca pun time dia tido or baik prgai tak meragamm….huhuu..ada kala ms tgh nyusu smbil tuh la aku nk mbaca pun…nk wat cmana..manada ms len…tpksa curi2 masa…

TAPIIII…dulu balik rumah buat hal n keja msg2..kalo zulffi keja, dok la sorg2 kat umah..sunyi…tpi sekarang, ada la dgr suara bdk nangis n ketawa bila agah dia…lain rasanya..n happier…

dulu berdua sekarang bertiga..

dulu pergi jalan, pegang tgn suami, skrg jalan pegang anak..heheheh..

dulu pikir diri sendiri je apa2 pun, but skrg pkir anak dulu baru pikir diri sndri..huhuhu

dulu, angan2 nak pegang anak sndri, tpi skrang dah dapat pegang anak sendiri…

dulu atau skrg, dua 2nya indah….

BTW, MZR tuh is Muhammad Zaffran Rizqi…hehehe…our famly initial for him..nama pnjg sgt…hehe

Baru Kini kutahu...

selama aku berusia 26thun ini, aku tidak pernah merasakan betapa aku berterimakasih sgt pd ummi esp and abu yang dah bsrkan aku slma ni smpi aku mjdi aku yg skrg ini spt yang aku rasakan skrg…selama 9bulan aku mngndung, pelbagai perkara yang aku lalui,pelbagai perasaan yang aku rasakan. penat lelah,rs tidak selesa dan mcm2 lagi yang aku lalui slama 9bulan itu ,tak dpt aku bygkan apa yang ummi lalui smsa mgndgkan aku…ditambah pula slps aku melalui pglman bersalin yang kdgkala buat aku ngeri dan trauma, aku btmbh2 insaf..btapa besarnya pgorbanan ummi mgndg dan melahirkan aku….ditmbh pula dgn adik2 aku sramai 6org itu…aku insaf dan aku rs seribu satu pnyesalan bila aku memikirkan selama aku membesar betapa aku kdgkala marah atau melawan ckp umi, buat umi kecil hati dsbbkan kata2 aku dan prgai aku…betapa berdosanya aku….Ya Allahhh……..
dlm usia sbulan Rizqi ini, apa yg aku lalui hnya sdkit bbnding apa yg ummi lalui mbesarkan aku dan adik2..


bkn mudah rupanya mjaga anak..mmg bila dilihat baby sebegitu comel dan kiut bila tidur atau buka matanya.tapi bila dia mjadi tgjwb kita slama 24jam, 7hari smggu, 30hari sebulan 365hari setahun, tanpa henti…hanya tuhan yang tahu..bila mlm2 kadang Rizqi menangis tak mahu tidur, kembung perut, asyik nak mnyusu tanpa henti dan kjap2 jeluak susu sb prutnya tidak selesa..bila telah disapu pelbagai minyak pun msih tidak mahu lena tidur…buatkan aku juga tidak dpt lena tidur dan turut berjaga..ada mlm, ummi tmnkan aku tlg jaga smpi dia ttidur dan ummi suruh aku tidur dulu..bila dia bjaga malam, abis satu rumah tidak tidur bsama..’ammar trut bjaga mendodoikan Rizqi..kdg2 aku dodoikan dia sorg2 sb tak nak sshkan ummi bgun mlm mjaga Rizqi..ckuplah ummi pnat di siang hari mgemas rmh dan mjaga aku dan Rizqi…kdg bila aku taktahu nak buat apa dah, bby nangis, aku juga trut menangis..sb aku sdh tlmpau letih dan mengantuk dan taktahu nak buat apa lagi…nak mngadu pd zulffi, dia jauh dan dia juga smstinya pnat bkerja..hmmm..

org kata waktu pntg waktu utk berehat sckupnya….tp kdg2 org dtg nak tgok bby..kita bru tidurkan bby n nak berehat, tak jd nak berehat..takpela tak kisahla tu .org dtg nak meraikan kita dan anak kita. tapi yang aku taktahn, bila ada sorg makcik ni dtg satu hari tu, kebetulan Rizqi mlm tu tak tidur n tak brapa sht..aku bru dpt tidur kan dia..ttba dia dtg, n sbuk kjutkan bdk tu bangun sb nak tgok dia buka mata…mcm2 dia buat spaya dia bgun..aku nak mrh , dia org tua,dlm hti ni, geram ja rasa..dah tu, bila dia bgun n nangis trus bg kat aku…aku dlm hati, gerammmmmmm ja rs..aku bru nak bring slps bapa lama nak tidurkan bby..iskiskisk…sabar je laa…

tp bila mlht wjh comel dia yg tsnyum, n kdg2 mcm2 prgainya, buat aku thibur sgt..kdg dia buat muka bila aku nak susukan dia,atau bila aku cium2 pipi dia, dia mengeliat sb rimas atau geli, semuanya buat aku tersenyun dan ketawa..bila aku bringkan dia atas dada n aku peluk erat,rs satu prsaan yg tak dpt aku ungkpkan..bila aku mnyusukan dia, tgnnnya memegang jri aku atau rnti aku buat aku rs satu prsaan syahdu dan kasih sgt pd ank ini…xkisahla kalau stkt smlm dua tidak lena bilamna dia mberikan aku sejuta keriangan dlm hidupku..aku msih ingt, pd ms awal2 aku mlhirkn dia, aku hnya mlihat dia dan membelai dia dgn satu prsaan yg ksg..mgkin sb aku msih pnt n ltih stlh skit bsalin sbgitu lma..tp smkin kuat bdn aku, smkin lma aku bsama dia, bru timbul satu prsaan kasih yg mdalam pdnya….trasa aku tidak mmpu hidup jika apa2 blaku pdnya..mgkin itu ertinya ksih seorg ibu..bru aku mngerti erti kasih seorg ibu itu…aku sggup melakukan apa saja utk anak aku itu…ptutlah Rasulullah bpesan utk mgutamakan ibu dahulu sblm ayah..stlh suma ini aku lalui, baru aku phm dan mngerti semuanya…

kini aku tahu, knapa seorang ibu itu kenal dan tahu apa saja mngenai anaknya tnpa perlu anaknya ucapkan atau katakan..mcm ‘Ammar kata pada aku, "awak paham ke bunyi dia nangis tuh nak apa?" jawapannya ya…sbulan aku mjaga dia sdh ckup buat aku knal erti tangisan dan bunyinya..aku tahu bila bnyi dia hnya mgeliat bila dlm tidur atau bru bgun tidur, aku tahu bnyi dia bila dia nak susu atau hnya nak aku angkat dan pluk dia smpi tlena, aku tahu bnyi dia bila dia tak slsa sb lmpin bsh atau kmbung perut..even bila aku tidur, aku akan tjaga even bila dgr dia jeluak…ssguhnya tuhan itu Maha Kaya, Dia berikan ibu itu satu instinct yang sbgitu hebat utk bond kan anak dan ibu itu…..

aku bsykur diberikan peluang dan anugerah ini utk mjdi seorg ibu…tnpa apa yg tlah aku lalui, tidak mgkin aku akan appreciate ummi spt skrg…ssghnya, ibu itu anugerah terindah dalam hidup…tanpa ibu…siapala kita….

Zaffran Rizqi..the new found joy of my life...

Muhammad Zaffran Rizqi..lahirnya pada jam 5.49 petang di HUSM pada hari Jumaat, 4 Julai 2008, bersamaan 1 Rejab 1429H. lahirnya ke dunia slps hampir 12 jam aku bertarung dengan keskitan yang tidak pernah aku rskan sblm ini..aku tidak sgka aku akan bslin pd hari Jumaat..alhamdulillah syukur pdNYa…mgkin rezki aku krna aku mmg bniat utk bslin pd hari Jumaat kalau boleh..skiranya apa2 berlaku, Hari Jumaat, hari yang baik…mlm sblmnya aku kluar dgn zulffi makan di Su Tomyam..aku begitu tringin nak mkn mee bandung di Mee Kg Pek but as Zulffi nak mkn d Su Tomyam, tak kisahla…mlm tuh, hujan..sjuk sja cuaca..dpt mkn juga mee bndung versi tak original n air ciku yang kaw..kaw pnya..(tringt pd EL)..hehehe..’ammar yang dtg sjak hari slasa kluar dgn kwn2 dia d usm..mlmnya aku dah tido lmbt mbaca buku crita..mghbiskn buku Nora Robert yg bru aku dpt dr MPH…abis baca buku dah lewat mlm…tak tahu pkul brapa aku tlelap…nak tdo awal pun sblmnya rs tak mngntk n tak slsa as d hujg2 prgnncy ni, mmg aku rs tak lena tido n tak slsa…zulffi masih main game di bwh…pkul brapa dia msuk tido pun aku tak sure..

3am, aku tbngun sb rs skit sgt perut…aku k toilet bbrapa kali..aku ingt aku fd poisoning..mgkin sb mee bndg sblm tu or kuih ketayap yg aku mcm 5bji sorg ptg smlmnya.hehehe..tringt pd Kak za….zulffi bgun shur pgnya..n aku mnta dia crikan pil chee kit tck aun di 7E sb skit sgt prut…slps subuh, skitnya trasa bkurgn bt dtg on n off..aku bbring dgn bsndr n tlelap sbntr2..bila skit dtg, aku aku tjaga…n skitnya pun smcm ja rs..lnguh d pngg n bby pun tak aktif…rs mcm cramp ja prut..8am+ aku call ummi, bgtau skit perut..aku tnya ummi tnda2 skit nak bslin..takde pglmn katakan…bila ummi bgtau, aku dah rs ni mcm nak bslin.ummi kata, if bslin ari ni, alhamdulillah..sb ummi dok doa2 bslin di awal rejab..awal bulan, org kata anak yang lhir tu, baik prgainya..umi dok doa spya tak lhir di hjg2 bulan..tah kata umi,org tua2 kata,hjg bulan, ms bulan tgh turun,anak yg lahir akan sdkit tpgruh dgn tarikan bulan ke apa tah…kurg elok la..tah..itu pndgn org tua2..

since skit dlm 20minit apart, zulffi n amar pg k pasr tani bli lauk n mkn pg..aku hnya mkn sbji apam balik n sgls susu…bila skitnya dtg, tak dpt nak describe mcmana skitnya rs…mcm nak tcbut pgg pun ada…bdiri salah, bring lagi slah..lnguh pgg taktahu nak describe.zulffi tlg gsk2 blkg aku utk legakan skit…10+ aku ajak zulffi ke husm..sb rs skit mkin kuat…sblm aku kluar bilik, aku cium tgn zulffi minta ampun dan maaf atas smua slh silap aku slama aku jd istri dia…aku minta dia halalkan mkn minum aku slma ni.manatau aku tak bksmptn lg..smpi je di labour room, lif tgh renovate, tpksa la naik tgga k tgkat satu nak ke labour room.smpi ja, trus msuk blik screening…doktr buat CTG n VE..dah 6cm..trus admit labour room..since labour room pnuh, tpksa juga aku tggu hampir 1pm bru dpt blik…tahan la aku skit kat atas kerusi d blik screening tuh..hnya tuhan yang tahu skitnya…bila skit aku genggam pakaian bby yang aku pgg utk ke blik bslin..

by 1pm, bila aku dah msuk blik, doktr cek dah 8cm…so doktr pecahkan air utk cptkan aku bslin…zulffi msuk tmnkan aku..dia tak pg jumaat sb tkut aku akan bslin dlm ms tdekat..adanya dia d sisi buat aku rs kuat skit mghadapi kskitan tuh…by 4pm, still tak smpi 10cm lg..still ada skit lagi utk smpi 10cm kata dktor…skitnya, hanya tuhan yang tahu…mgkin btul org kata skit bslin skit kedua truk slps mati…aku tak dpt nak gmbrkan apa yg aku rs…pgg rs mcm nak luruh stiap kali skit dtg..kalau boleh rs nak cbut ja pnggang aku spya tak skit..aku dah la jnis org yg tak thn skit…tgn zulffi aku genggam smpi pucat lesi..aku tahu msti dia pun lnguh n skit tgn..bila tlmpau skit sgt, aku peluk n rgkul leher dia, cuba meminjam kekuatan dia utk aku lalui skit yg aku rs…dia tak lepas mulut bacakan doa, ayat kursi slwt,surah lazim k tlga aku utk bgi kkuatan pd aku…bila aku dah tak larat sgt, aku hnya baca dlm hti sja..saat2 tu, segala dosa2 lalu bagaikan tbayang di mata dan kpala aku..dlm hati aku bdoa," kalau ini caranya untuk Tuhan hapuskan dosa2 aku, aku redha….takpela..sekiranya apa2 blaku, biarlah aku pergi dlm keadaan dosa2 aku thpus".. air zam zam n kurma yang Hjra bw dr Mekah, hnya itu aku minum n mkn utk pg kkuatan..tq Hajra,,appreciate sgt…dlm pd ms aku tgh skit tu, ms trasa bgikan tidak bergerak..trsa lmbt sgt waktu bajalan..bila tdgr dr bilik2 sblh org lain bslin, trasa ngeri pun ada, but bila dgr suara bby nangis, aku pjuk hti aku dgn kata, kejap ja lagi aku pun bleh pgg bby aku juga…tbygkan wajah bby yang aku taktahu macaman buat aku kuat sbntr…tp bila skit dtg, suma smgt td bgikan hilang d angin lalu..hnya zulffi di sisi utk bri kekuatan pd aku…tbyg ummi abu di rmh yg pstinya tgh resah mnnti berita dr aku..syukur aku dah smpt mnta ampun maaf drpd abumi sblm tuh…

then by 4.30pm aku dah rs nak push…zulffi pun dah ada slps dia kuar solat..bpggkan smgt dia, aku cuba utk push..but contraction aku tak sekuat sblmnya..skitnya dtg skjap2…mula ada 3 SN dtg, then doktr dtg, but hnya tgok n coach…ada HO yang bru msuk 3,4org..dahla semua lelaki..tpksa la aku thn malu n segan..but skit nak bslin mgatasi sglanya…then mkin lama mkin rmi doktr dtg..all in all suma ada 8org..since aku staff n this is the 1st delivery, n org lain takde dah yg skit nak bslin..so suma ttmpu pd aku…by 5.30pm ,bby still tak kluar.so doktr tpksa forcep tkut bby lmas…baby dah mula tachy..kpla dah nmpk but aku mmg dah tak btnaga utk push lg…trasa sdh hbis tnaga aku..ms satu jam tuh, sgalanya tbyg d kpla aku…apa yg aku pk kan just nak bby lhir ja…tak mau pk apa2 lg..mulut aku dah kering n aku dah tlmpau pnt utk buat apa2…bila doktr HO yang bru blik dr mesir n tak penah cucuk jarum ke tgn pt sblm ni, cucuk aku 4kli bru msuk jrum utk drip pun aku diam ja..takde nak mrh..tu mmg tndanya aku tlmpau tak larat n dah tak kisah apa2 dah..kalo tak, maunya kna bising ngan aku…cuuck smpi 4kli bru msuk…lbam2 tgn aku…5,49pm, bila bby kluar je, n di ltak atas prut aku, aku hnya tgok je..sb bby tak mngis, diorg trus bw utk suction n skjp kmdian aku dgr dia ngis..kuat suaranya….bila aku tnya doktr bby boy or girl, doktr ckp nnti dia bgtau..skrg dia nak settlekan aku dulu..bnyak jg kn jhit dah sb forcep..nsib aku buka speck aku,if tak , aku akan nmpk all the blood n jarum n evrytg else dgn jelas..sure aku lg trauma lps tuh..aku nmpk kabur2 pun aku trauma dah..huhu..bila dktr dah nak setel jhit, diorg bwkan bby pd aku..tnjuk n bgtau aku dpt bby boy…aku hnya prsan yang bby putih n rmbut lebat..then diorg bw kpda zulffi utk diazankan…slps dah settle sumanya, n siap nak hntr ke wad staf, bru bby di bri pd aku..SN bwkan aku milo n suapkan straw pd aku utk aku sisip..aku rs btrimakasih sgt atas layann baik all the dktrs n nurses.smpt aku psn pd dktr n misi suruh say tq to all yg dah tlg aku td… misi suruh aku mnyusukan bby dulu, but aku mmg tak larat sgt nak bgun apatah lagi nak riba bby..aku hnya mmpu tbring n peluk dia rpt ke dada aku shaja..aku pgg n usap rmbutnya, pgg pipi gebunya rs nak menangis sb sbak..tak sgka aku dah jd ibu…bby tido lena ja.spt tidak ada apa2 blaku d skllgnya..

on the way ke wad, ttba dia ngis..pnya la kuat suara dia…smpi di wad , aku dah settle down..mama, nini n zulffi dah ada skli..nini sbuk la tgok anak sdra bru..zulffi aku sruh blik dulu buka pose..sian dia..hnya buka ngan roti ja..aku bring ja..tak mmpu nak bgun atau buat apa2…ltih sgt rs..trasa spt sluruh tnaga aku dah dispent d labour room..aku tak pnah rs pnat mcm tuh..rs tak bdaya sgt….

after zulffi blik mkn, mndi, dia dtg blik tmn kan aku di wad..dia bncuhkan milo, suapkan aku roti ksg cicah milo..hnya tu yang aku mkn mlm tu slain kurma courtesy of Hajra.hehehe..ms zulffi blik, Hjra was the 1st to come n see the bby..bby dgn aku, but bila aku alih nak bg hajra pgg ja, dia nangis..kuat lak tuh..so tak dpt la hjra pgg..bekeng…mcm aku..hahahaha. Alhamdulillah zulffi ada tmnkan aku mlm tu..aku btuah ada suami yg sgt prihatin n amik brat…dia la tlg aku bersihkan bdn, pimpin ke toilet suma n amik brg2…dpt msuk wad staf, lbih slsa wpun bilik dua org pnuh n tpksa msuk blik 4org, but tak kisahla.sb jauh lbih slsa dpd wad biasa..
mlm ptama mjdi ibu, bby asyik ngis je…mgkin sb aku tak pndi nak susukan, or susu tak kluar..aku pun tak tahu,pk2 blik mmg aku naive rs wpun dah baca all about breastfeedg..but tak de pglmn..tdo kjap, jg ngis..mgkin dia lpr…aku n zulffi dua2 pnt tak dpt rht sgt…tgh mlm slin pmpers dia, pun ngis..sian org sblh.apa nk buat..huhuhu..


soknya dia tido je..tak bgun nyusu.aku sshti gak..but kjut2 dia takmau bgun.misi dah nak bg susu btol.then abumi smpi ptgt tu dpd penang…ummi tgok aku tgh nak susukn bby, ummi agkt bby n ajar aku nk pgg n susukn cara btul..bru la dia mnyusu n bgun…since aku kn forcep. ahad bru aku leh kuar…tu pun ptg bru kuar sb bby mcm kuning skit..alhmdllh aku kja wad paed, sngla aku trus kntek dktr paeds suruh tgokkn..if tak lg lmbt blik..huhuh.. rmi kwn2 dtg tgok bby..ada kt mcm muka aku, ada kt mcm muka zulffi…apa2 pun, yg pntg suma dah slmt..pk2 blik, aku spt trauma dgn apa yg aku lalui..mgkin lm juga kot utk aku lupakn…takthu la…tgok la cmna..huhuu..yg pntg zaffran rizqi, slmt n sht….yg aku tggu bbln2 dah lhir…msih pjg pjlnn aku dan dia….tpulg pd aku utk mcoraknya pula….ibu sayangggg rizqi….

Monday, November 10, 2008

Things that change when you have a baby...

Things that change when you have a baby

1. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms. - he smells soooo good eventhough he is sweaty n full of 'jeluak' hahahha

2. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid.- yerp...afraid that I cant be a good mum n wife at the same time...

3. The sacrifices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrifices.- its a pleasure n joy actually...

4. You respect your body ... finally - hmmm..so trueeee

5. You respect your parents and love them in a new way- yeah...my love for them grows more n more esp for my mum...huhuhuh

6. You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own- when he cries in pain, Im also feels like crying...huhuhu

7. You believe once again in the things you believed in as a child - the world is pretty n everybody is nice..

8. You lose touch with the people in your life whom you should have banished years ago- dont have time maaaaa for others

9. Your heart breaks much more easily - not sure yet..

10. You think of someone else 234,836,178,976 times a day- dont have time to think of myself..

11. Every day is a surprise- evryday is a new joy

12. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you. (Hooray for poop!)

13. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself - coz he's much cutier..hahaha

14. You become a morning person - I hate it but I had tooo..hohohoho

15. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power - Im a working, breastfeeding, superwife and mum...hahaha

16.You discover how much there is to say about one tooth

17.You finally realize that true joy doesn't come from material wealth - I can deal with no jeweleries but not without my babe...

18.You'd rather buy a plastic tricycle than those shoes that you've been dying to have - so true...in fact with me, the pump n stroller etc..hohoho..I want that CARLO RINO shoes that I've been eyeing since raya...huhuhu

19.You realize that although sticky, lollipops have magical powers- it sure would shut the child up..hahaha

20.You don't mind going to bed at 9 p.m. on Friday night - sooo tired..what to dooo....

21.Silence? What's that - it's a bonus to have some quiet time in a day...

22.You realize that the 15 pounds you can't seem to get rid of are totally worth having - Im losing it..slowly..hehehe

23.You discover an inner strength you never thought you had

24.You no longer rely on a clock — your baby now sets your schedule - lets throw away the clock..its making me wake up when I want to sleep more..hahaha

25.You give parents with a screaming child an 'I-know-the-feeling' look instead of a 'Can't-they-shut-him-up?' one - hmmmm I cant help thinkg about me in that situation when I came across the scene recently...

26.You take the time for one more hug and kiss even if it means you'll be late - had to kiss the boy first..

27.You learn that taking a shower is a luxury - if not, just scrub scrub n rinse..huhuhu

28.You realize that you can love a complete stranger...

mummy's world

something to ponder about : ngeee

Somebody said it takes abot six weeks to get
to get back to normal after you've had a baby


That somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother
"Normal" is a history..


Somebody said "good' mother never raise
their voices


That somebody never come out the back door just
in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbour's kitchen window.

Monday, June 30, 2008

cuakkkk

tggal sehari lagi kalo ikut due date aku...aku due 2 july..but still takde sbrg tanda2 lagi...rmi kata tak lama dah sb perut dah trun la, muka n kaki aku sgt edamatous la...mcm2...aku mkin kurang naik ke wad esp last 2weeks..n arini aku naik lambt..kbtulan ada jamuan ksyukuran Doktr2 paeds buat smpna pas exam...rmi tkjut tgok aku msih ada n aktif..ingt dah bslin..heheheh..n ada doktr yang dah book nak buat subjek utk research diorg lps bslin ni..doktr paeds katakan..sumanya ceria2 n baik2 hatinya...tak kisah la..asal aku dpt kbaikannya..heheheh
hmm I wish aku dah bslin...napa?tak sbr nak tgok n pluk baby yg utamanya..yg lain is, cuak yang amat bila ttgu2 bila nak bslin, n mcmana rsnya bila skit bslin, apa yang akan jadi, ummi nak mai bila, nak blik penang bila...bnyak sgt bnda yg buat aku cuak n di pk kan..mlm2 tido dah lama tak lena..suma serba tak kena,pusing kanan slah, pusing kiri salah..terlentang lg slah sb rs takle bnfs bila bby tkan perut n usus...tmbhn bila mlm sllu payah nak tido.asyik tjaga bila rs tak slsa atau tkena zulffi..jealous tgok dia tidur dgn sgt lena..letak kpla saja sdh tido bilamana aku pusing kiri dan kanan msih tak lelap...tmbhn plak, since last week ttba kna siapkan bhn2 utk ethical approval research aku n hajra .kn siapkan sorg2 sb hajra pg umrah..really miss her...dah la bnyak giler nak siapkan..kdg tuh mmg rs nak nagis ja..pnya la sbuk smpi tak smpt sgt nak bosan sb dia takde...mmg last week tsgtla stress nya aku smpi kn admit sb bby tak aktif sgt.wpun CTG n scan suma ok, but Prof Nik soh msuk juga utk observe..esoknya dah dischrge n dpt MC 3hri utk rest..mgkin doktr kata tlmpau stress sgt sb tuh rs bby kurg gerak..mgkin..bila dpt rht, siang aku dpt tido sb mlm dah mmg tak lena..lebih lelap n tak pnat sgt bdn rs nya...bila bkerja, bnyak nak kn pk n buat d opis, tmbhn bila kja tak siap n msih btgguh, mlm kja2 tuh suma dtg dlm tido n dlm tido otak aku dok plan sok nak buat itu, buat ini, settle itu ini.mgkin sb aku trasa mcm aku mgejar hari yang mendatang sb nak suma kja settle sblm bslin.pnt.mmg pnat bdn..ingtkan last2 week ni dah bleh rest2 skit..hmmm..wpun sbln ni aku hnya kja 4hri smggu, itu dah ckup buat aku trasa pnat sgt...ni aku Alhamdulillah dah siapkan semua utk meetg ethical tu mggu ni..hopefully mlm ni lbih lena tido aku.minta2 Hajra blh tlg gnti msuk meetg tu Rbu ni sb aku tsgt la exhausted berpkir n tak ckup rhat..but if dia pun pnat lg n tak le pg, aku tpksa msuk juga opis utk meetg tuh..sian juga Hajra jauh bjalan..miss her so much...tak sbr nak jmpa n bgosip bnyak2 hal opis.hahahah...


bila dah mkin dekat due date ni, mcm2 tips dgr n dpt dr misi, attnden, doktor, kwn2..sumanya kdg buat aku rs lega ada org nak bg advice n ada time btmbh cuak...sb tak tahu apa yg akan dialami nnti...brg2 bby sumanya sdh lama siap..tak sbr nak pluk n cium anak aku ni, pgikat ksih aku n zulffi.abumi pun tiap hari atau pling kurg 2 hri skli msti call tnya kbr..diorg pun cuak juga tggu cucu ptama...aku apatah lagi...sgt la cuaknya.....tggu anak ptama...mcamana ya agaknya perasaan itu n pgalaman itu...ngeri?manis?indah???hmmmm...cptla bby kuar..tak sbr dah ni nak tgok...huhu..

Thursday, June 12, 2008

contraction????

aku dtg pg td dgn pelbagai plan utk siapkan keja n kuar dgn Hjra lunch nnti pg hntr poster di Pjbt kshtn then ke MPKB utk bli kain songket Lang.n mkn brownies with ais krim bila balik nnti...then ttba dtg kja rs skit perut yg memulas yang amat yg buat aku bpluh2...nak kata silap mkn, td mkn roti 3kpg with tlur n susu...takde yg plik2...hmmm..plik....tp skitnya bhgia atas perut shja..n the bby keep moving n pushing dr dlm buatkan smkin skit....aku pg toilet sb ingt silap mkn, but the pain keep coming..then Kak Za ckp mgkin tnda2 nak sblin dah...so tggu la...bila truk sgt skitnya mmg rs loya n nak mntah..abis dah kuar susu n roti td...rs better skit sb takde bnda dah dlm perut.. nak pg labour room pun rsnya takle buat aoa jg..bttr aku dok opis n wait till air pecah...ada hjra kam, kak za suma...bttr drpd Dr n misi yang tak knal...huhuh

aku msg abumi minta ampun maaf atas salah silap aku slma ni..tkut tak smpt minta ampun dr abumi..n aku msg zulffi bgtau aku mnta ampun maaf atas suma salah silap aku..pg td mmg tniat nak salam tgn dia lps solat n minta ampun but dia baca Yasin trus tlupa...hmmmm...

the pain keep coming evry 10minit...bila skit tu kuat mmg rs nak nangis suma ada....tak dpt nak gmbrkan btapa skitnya rs....spt mcm kn sggugut but lg skit dpd tu..blkg skit skit2.....hmmm..nak blik je rs but if blik jd papa lg payah..so bttr aku dok opis...sng if nak g labour room n rmi org ada kat sini...rs lega skit...hmmm..risau...anxious sumada..aku tkut zulffi tak smpt blik kja utk bsama aku ms bslin ja..Ya Allah..minta dipermudahkan.....rupanya bkn mudah nak bslin ni....skitnya hnya tuhan yang tahu..btapa bsar jasa ummi mlhirkan aku dan mngndungkan aku....Ya Allah...permudahkanlah aku bslin nnti...kurgkan skit ku ini...brikan aku kekuatan....amin..

Monday, June 9, 2008

count down to number 22

hmmm...22 hari lagi menunggu saat klhiran bby ksygn aku dan zulffi ini..InsyAllah...aku harap n bdoa suma akan ok...suma psiapan aku dah siapkan..suma dah sdia dlm beg utk ke hospital..suma hnya mnntikan saat klhiran bby aku ni saja...tak sbrnya rasa....tak sbr nak tgok ikut muka siapa..aku atau zulffi...putih ke atau gelap ke kulitnya..ada lsung pipit tak mcm abanhnya..rmbut nya lbat tak mcm ibunya, kningnya hitam tak mcm ibunya, mulutnya merah dan mongel tak mcm abahnya...ish...mmg tak sabar sgt...zulffi pun kalau tgok bdk llki kcil atau bby msti dia perati smcm n tsnyum sndri...mbyangkan anak kami nnti...ish...sgguh tak sbr...
anak ini smkin aktif dlm perut..kdg2 boleh nmpk pgrakan tgnnya atau kakinya yang menolak di perut aku...spt dia berusha keras utk mencari ruang slsa...heheh..kdgkala bila aku mndi di wktu pagi, dia spt bergerak2 scara kerap dan kuat...mgkin trasa ksjukan yang aku rsakan..heheh..dan sllunya aku akan bckp dgn bby bgtau, ibu bgun mndi pagi sb nak solat subuh....bila aku lapar dia trut aktif dan menendang2 perut..brgkali tidak slsa dgn bunyi perut yang berdangdut kelaparan agaknya...heheh..anakkku yang comel ini...ibu sguh tak sbr tggu klhiran mu kelak..3mggu lagi InsyAllah....ibu akan memeluk dan mciummu dalam dakapan ibu....

smlm aku bshopping baju raya dgn zulffi...dpt bju warna turqoise yang sgt aku suka...ishh...tak sbr nak pki raya...aku dah mula tbygkan bby nak pki bju warna apa nnti..hehehe...tak sbr rsnya menantikan org bru dlm hidup aku dan zulffi....set bslin, barut, pampers bby..suma dah siap....aku dah pack simpn dlm keta in case aku bslin awal...

n lately aku dah mula trsa sdkit kskitan pd ari2..perut juga dah mula trun..aku trasa2 mcm akan bslin awal..tapi taktahu nak kata...hmmm..cpt atau lmbt, moga bby akan sht dan slmt..aku juga bgitu InsyAllah...Al quran alhamdulillah aku dah khatamkan 30 mei lalu..dah habis satu quran yang aku niatkan sjak awal mgndg..cuma tafsir je tak habis...hmmm...bila nak hbis kan ya qay???
skrg ni cuma dok ulang baca Yasin n surah Maryam agar mudah bslin..mama pun dah bg air selusuh awal bulan aritu..so tiap mlm tanpa jemu kna minum dan amalkan supya dipermudahkan hndknya smsa bslin...insyAllah...suma dlm famli mnnti dgn pnuh dbaran..aku juga bgitu...risau dan mimpi yang plik2 mula dtg lately..napa ya...?mgkin aku bnyk sgt bfikir atau risau yang bkn2?tahla...apapun aku doa agar dipermudahkan sumanya...aminnnn

Thursday, May 29, 2008

week 35: luving him soooo much

This is day number 245 and you're 35 weeks pregnant!You have 35 days or 5 weeks left, and are 87.5% of the way there.Baby's age since conception is 231 days or 33 weeks.




Fetal Development
Your baby weighs about 5.5 pounds and will continue to gain about half a pound per week until you deliver. He or she stretches out to 20.25 inches as it approaches full term. Stem cells in the bone marrow continue to produce red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets to maintain a healthy immune system, but there is not really any development remaining for arms, legs, brain or organs. Your baby will simply continue to grow in size as it readies for its big debut.



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tgal a few more weeks to go..I really am excited but scared a bit.. lately I cant seems to stop countig down the days till my due date..I cant seem to stop wanting to eat that n this, or goes here n there...its like Im trying to cram evrytg in this final days..my life as a mum to be..anytg could happen during labour, anytg could happen in this final month...just doa spya suma akan InsyAllah ok dan slmt...bnyak yg perlu disettlekan sblum aku deliver..kejer ofuis, research aku, SKT tgh thun, nak lepaskan pt2 di wad, nak bli baju n tdg raya, tmph bju raya, brg2 nak guna ms pntg, kmas brg2 utk bslin..bnyak sgguh...rs tak ckup ms je...=(

n lately I seems to want to be soooo near zulffi n cuddle him, hug him, kiss him more frequently...its like Im craving for his attention only for this final months n weeks..bcoz after this, his love, his attention would be split into two...me n the baby...so slgi boleh aku nak kasih dan syg dia hnya ttumpu utk aku seorg sahaja...bila shri tak spend ms dgn dia rs lonely n sunyi sgt...bila dia usap2 perut n kiss perut aku, aku rs happy n bhgia sgt..bila bby tndg n gerak2 n tgn dia diletakkan atas perut aku, berkgsi merasakan rs yang sama, buat aku rs content dan disygi..kdg2 act nya kcil dan bsahaja ttp buat aku trasa bhgia yg amat...mgkin sb itu aku sntiasa mahu bsama dia, bkgsi dan trus mnyemai bnih kasih ini...

tpi bila tfikir kdgkala kmgkinan yg bakal tjdi buat aku sdih n sayu...maybe aku paranoid pk bkn2 but ntah knapa aku sllu merasakan yg mcm time aku limited skrg...hmm...napa ya?adakah aku paranoid n rasa tak bsdia nak jdi ibu?hmmm aku pun taktahu..just cant stop pk yg bukan2....aku tak bgtau zulffi sb aku tak nak dia marah n sdih aku ckp yg bkn2 n aku tak nak ia jdi doa plak..so aku lbih sng utk snyap dan pndamkan.....hmmmmphhhh...i luv himmm soooo much...kdg kala rs tak ckup pkataan nak aku bgtau apa yg aku rs..wpun bila laut mcm pasang dan surut, bergelora, aku ttp sygkan dan cintakan dia spnuh hati aku...spnjng 8 bulan ni dia mmg amik berat sgt psl diri aku dan jaga aku btul2...apa aku nak, nak mkn esp dia akan cuba tunaikan...dia mudahkan khdpn aku shrian spnjng aku mgndg...tak bnyak kerenah dia esp bab mkn...cuma aku yg kdg2 buat prgi mrajuk n trasa hati tah papa..hmmm..hormon?maybe...or mmg aku mengada..hahahah..apa2 pun, tq sayang jaga qay n sygkan qay spnuh hati syg.....luv u sooo mucho mucho........

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

tak sabarnyer rasaaaaa....

tggal bbrapa mggu lagi utk aku mdakap dan mcium anak di dlm kndgn aku ini...stiap saat aku menanti dgn penuh debar dan sabar..aku trsa smkin besar dan berat pdhal tiada perubahan yang ketara sgt sbnrnya....kaki aku yg smmgnya sdah bngkak smkin bngkak.tgn2 aku chubby2 belaka smpi dr cincin aku yg 3 hnya satu yang boleh pakai, cincin kwen yang smmgnya di beli dgn saiz yg bsar...cincin putih berbentuk hati aku itu tpksa dismpan dahulu krana boleh msuk tp tak boleh kluar..huhu..seriusly, aku miss baju2 aku, jeans aku...huhuh..well lgi 5 mggu je pun..sabar ye qay...hehe..

brg2 baby suma dah siap.cuma blum kemas msuk beg saja lagi...suma ingtkan aku spya sgra simpan n siapkan brg ltak dlm kete, sng jika bslin awal...hmm..nntila...apa yg ditgguhkan pun aku taktahu...ketidaksabaran utk menntikan khdiaran anak ini mkin kuat..apatah lagi bila memandang brg2 yg tlh dibeli, mcium bau bdak bby yang sdh semestinya sinonim dgn baby..=) ooohhh..sgt tidak sabar...cuma brg2 utk ibunya slps bslin je blum beli..hehehe...lihatkan...anak juga yang diutamakan daripada ibu sndri...inilah kasih dan sayang ibu yang aku sndri mula rskan...perasaan kasih pd anak yang bakal lahir ini smkin kuat..smkin rs dkt dgn aku..bkn tidak sayang slama ni, tp sejak akhir2 ini prsaan itu mkin kuat apatah lagi sjak anak ini mkin kuat bergerak dan menujah2 perut aku spt dia juga trsa tidak slsa kerana smkin bsar dan ruang utk bergerak smkin kcik, mbuatkan dia smkin kuat mencari ruang shgga kdg2 buat aku trasa skit..kdg2 trsa spt dia mnolak kakinya ke bhgian bwah yang dkat dgn buah pinggang aku dan bhgian pggungnya menolak di bhgian atas perut.lenguh barangkali anakku ini..hehehe ..kdgkala mcm bby siku atau menolak2 tgn nya ke perut aku....nak cri ruang kosng utk bergerak lagi kot..heheheh..seronok n indah sgt rs...lps ni sure aku akan miss all this feeling...a bond that I share wth my baby...

sjak aku mngndg, aku lbih rapat dgn ummi..barangkali slps aku sndri merasakan penat jerih n tidak selesa dan prasaan mgngdg itu sndri..barangkali apa yang aku rskan hnya sdkit drpd apa yg ummi rskan smsa mgndgkan aku...aku kira tmsuk dlm kaetgori yang beruntg sms mngndg...aku tidak ada alahan spt loya2 yang melampau, muntah2, tidak lalu mkn, pecah kulit perut, pigmentasi dll...aku sht, lalu mkan shgga berat aku naik dgn bnyaknya...dan alahan kulit sikit2 di awal khmilan...sumanya buatkan aku kdg2 tlupa yg aku mngndg shgga baby bergerak baru aku yakin n rs aku smmngnya mngndg..kiranya mmg tuhan sygkan aku..diberi nikmat yang sdemikian rupa..syukur Alhamdulillah.....hmmm moga hari2 yang mdtgkan aku akan btmbh kuat dan sht insyAllah...smga anak ini lahir dgn smpurna dan sht akal fikiran dan tbuh badan...amin....

minggu2 terakhir ini..

Banyak yang ingin diceritakan, dibicarakan ttpi tkdg isu2nya tllu snsitif dan private...kdg aku tllu sibuk dgn khdpan aku shrian utk mngambil ms utk mcoret..dgn pt di wad, dgn jurnal2 yg perlu dibaca utk research, questionaire yg perlu direka dan isu2 opis yg kdg melemaskan minda dan jiwa...tidak campur isu2 di rumah lagi yang kdg2 mbuai dan mghayunkan emosi aku...
hmmppp...tgal bbrapa mnggu lagi utk aku truskan status aku sbgi istri zulffi sahaja dan sntiasa bduaan dgn zulffi, bermesra dan menyulam kengn indah cinta...tggal bbrapa mnggu lgi shaja akan hdir insan bru dlm khdpn aku dan zulffi, yang bakal mngubah corak khdpn dan ms dpan aku...dan tggal bbrpa mngu shja lagi utk aku truskan hdp aku dlm keadaan yg serba tak kna ini yg ada kala nya mbhgiakan dan adakalanya meresahkan...

bkn aku tidak happy dgn perkmbgn baru ini ttpi kdgkala semuanya menakutkan...trutama bila aku bnyak bfikir dan merenung ms dpn yg tak psti...spt yg aku pnah ckp pd dura dulu, aku mjaga wad kanak2 di husm..mcm2 yg aku tgok dan mcm2 yg aku nmpk dan rskan..aku takut, aku gerun dan aku sangsi jika ada tslah kata n perilaku aku pd anak2 itu atau ibubapa mereka yg bakal mjdi tulah pd anak aku ini..aku tkut apa yg blku pd anak2 itu akan tjdi pd anak aku ini..aku sllu tfikir bgimana tuhan brikan kkuatan utk ibu2 itu mjaga dan mngasuh dan bsabar dgn anak2 yang dr kcil lagi sudah mpunyai mslh kshtn, cacat, kanser dll...aku jd gerun...aku jd resah....aku sllu juga tfikir, knapa kanak2 sekecil itu sudah ditimpa bbgi dugaan..salah siapakah itu?dugaan tuhan utk ibu bapanya atau salah ibunya smsa mgndgkah yg myebabkan anak sdemikian rupa?aku sangsi dan aku takut jika ada yg salah dan silap yg aku buat slma aku mgndg ini yg bakal mbntuk anak dlm kndgn ini...aku sllu tfikir bgimanakah bila bsr anak ini..akan mjdi anak yg taat pd Tuhan dan Rasulnya, ptuh dan taat pd ibu bapanya atau sebaliknya...akan jdi anak yg baik, sabar, lemah lembut atau sebaliknya...kerana aku tahu apa sahaja yg aku lakukan dan rasakan semuanya bakal mpengaruhi anak itu,,mgkin sdah tlewat utk aku risaukan dan fikirkan semua itu ttp, apa yg harus aku lakukan????dan adakah aku juga bakal mjdi ibu yang baik, yang mithali, yang pnyayang yang mngutamakan anaknya drpd jiwa dan dirinya..???

bila dibincangkan isu bersalin pula, aku smkin resah dan takut..mcm2 cerita aku dgr...tkut dan ngeri memikirkan...apa yg bakal tjdi...akan survive ka aku?miza pnah kata, ms skit bslin mcm2 dia tpkir, dah smpt minta maaf pd suma org ke belum...spt btrung nyawa nak mlhirkan...adik Cam pula dgn komplikasinya, buatkan aku smkin rsah..bila aku sntiasa dilayukan dgn novel2 yg sering aku baca lately buatkan aku tidak pnya ms utk bkhayal dan bfikir yg bukan2...ttpi bila aku dlm keadaan bjaga dan berseorangan di ofis ni cthnnya,buat aku resah.zulffi kata jgn fikir yg bukan2 atau tllu bnyak tp hakikatnya aku yg akan alami semua itu ,melalui sgala dugaan itu..Maka di akhir cerita, aku pndmkan ksmua apa yg aku rsa dan risaukan di dlm hati utk tidak mgocakkan air yg tenang itu...hmphhh