for me, I never had that middle child syndrome as Im the eldest... but the childhood rivalry, occasionally yes for instance when I saw where my parents send me to school instead of where I want to be, the things my sis had the opportunity to do or that I didnt had bcause of my parents objection or coaxing into another area..for instance, Once I really wanted to do TESL for my degree, but my dad advice me to do sumtg more that he know I can achieved bcause he knows his daughter more than i know myself n at the same time he didnt actually pushed but sort of coaxing me along the way by implanting the ideas in me from time to time..I knew that sumhow in Matriculation, that I would be going to UKMKL as my parents had been saying, "if kakak dok kat UKM KL, kakak bole sllu jguk maktuk" (my mum's mum who stayed in Kg Baru).. so the choices that I made mostly is the courses thats in UKMKL eg Pharmacy, Dietetics..although Diet was my last choice...as Allah know better, He put me there to be near my grandma but sadly she passed away before I had the chance to be close to her as I always imagine...as sum may know, we lives in Alor Staq (but now in Bertam), so we had always been close to my paternal family rather than my mum's fam..so I always had bear in mind when Im in KL, I would have the opportunity to actually see my Maktok more often n be closer to her like the other grandchildren as I always sort of feels like, out of place with the famly there when we goes back to KL compared to my paternal fam...but sadly, I didnt have the opportunity...Its OK course I know Allah knows best...but the point is, whatever decisions I made, its always are bcause partly I want it bcause I want it for myself n also my parents approval, N their blessings..as Redha Allah is when we have our parents keredhaan or blessings...n its bcause I know they know best for me...n Im happy with the decisions that I have made along the way like going to maahad, then Kisas then mtrix n UKM...
then along the way, once a while when I saw what my sibs get easily when once I had to strive to get those things or go the longer way to achieve or the way that I want it but I didnt get but my sibs does get it makes me sumhow feels I dont know..sumhow a bit sad that I didnt have that opportunity easily as they had but not actually feeling jealous or anytg..just sad n hurt n once a while the deep feelings that I supressed deep inside came out n makes me soo sad...I know and I didnt judge my parents at all as I know they always try to give the best for us n always try to give the best for all..the difference in situations, n times n conditions makes it difference in evrytg there is...
when I talked to my fren, she said "Its hard for a parent to actually satisfy all their childrens want and wont...but they only are two people that's trying to do n think whats best for another 7 persons in their life...they only did what they think is best n hope for the best....as a child U should ask yourself, whether u have actually satisfy or " senangkan hati " ur parents instead of thinking why n why the reasons Allah makes all those things happened..after all, they only planned whats best but, He is the one that actually implanted the whole things n make it happened..so u should not blame the reasons why cos He knows better..."
yeah..she's right... a true fren in deed that gaves me reflections of the things that I know but refused to actually see...sumtimes its the hurt n sadness that diminish all the logical things that I truly really know ...deep inside, I know who am I to questions all the decisions made as I am only a child n they are the parent who knows whats best.......and always tries to give the best to us..as always....
but have I give them the best????
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