saya sudah tidak sabar

mgu ini mgu ke 30...bermakna masih ada 10 mgu lg lbih kurang utk menyambut org baru..dan juga msih ada 10 mgu lgi utk saya kembali ke teratak ayahbonda slma 90 hari???ya ka...bos mahu luluskan kah BOS cuti 90 hari sya??hahaha..owh masih lambat lagi nak balik ke Bertam ketam....


dr mei hampir tiap bulan pulang ke bertam ketam, tp bulan ni, tak balik...cuti yang ada nak simpan utk hjg tahun utk msuk rumah bru InsyAllah....dan juga konon2 fully potty train zaffran..hahaha....dan juga sbrnya dah tak larat nak jalan jauh sb zaffran yang semakin buas dan suka duduk atas riba ibu saja kalau ke mana2...kalau duduk diam tak apa..taktahn siap pnjt, melompat, kacau gear..buat abah distracted...dan ibu penat sb kn tindih ngan adik dan along Zaffran....so keputusan tak pyh balik.....

tapi...mlm ini, org bertam ketam nak mai menjenguk anak menantu cucu ..ish....tak sabaq nya nak tggu....wpun hari sabtu sepnjang hari kena berada di USM utk Kem diabetes paeds, dan hanya ada esok utk luangkan masa bersama ayahbonda techenta..tak apa la...


lang kata, " mesti dah plan mcm2 nak soh masak apa.." huhuh..nak plan apa.....keje bnyak blum siap takdan nak pk nak makan apa sgt.....jd apa2 je la umi..hihih...


PS : nmpk sgt asyik pk maaaakannnn sj kalo umi mai atau balik ke bertam...mcm la kat KB ni tkde mknn lngsg...hihih

A mum's Guilt...

sometimes, being a mum, its hard to find some ME-TIME to wind down after a hectic, tiring , bz day at the office...doing wat ur heart pleasures like reading a book without the little man pouncing and jumping on me....

but when u had the opportunity to spend an hour for some ME-TIME alone watching a show on TV while ur hubby takes turn watching the little man, it just makes u sigh with pleasure and enjoy the on hour of solitude to the max to regenerate yourself...

BUT, when u went up to the room and you find this boy sleeping like this for GOD knows how long...and cries like his heart was broken as a result of being abandoned by you when u pick him 2 sleep properly in bed, just makes u feels so guilty for being so selfish for wanting an hour of ME-TIME...when ur son just want some attention from u after a whole day at the nursery...:(

and when u have him sleeping besides u n hugs u tightly, with his tiny fingers bunched up holding ur shirt tight, afraid to let go for fear of being left again, just makes ur guilt triple.....:((

kuih melayu idaman kalbu

2 mgu sblum tu tringin puding sagu sb tgok Ija buat dkt fb..hihi..so dok trasa2 kat mulut, wknd tu buat la juga...mulanya tak jd sb santan tu sdkit masam..so pksa zulffi p kdi n cri santan kotak..sian dia round dua tiga kdi baru dapat santan kotak sb nak pnuhkan keinginan isteri..hihi tq abang...

since last week dok teringin nak makan kbnyakan mknn kuih2 melayu...aku bukan org yang jnis suka atau sllu mkn kuih2 ni..hnya bila2 tringin sj....but since last week dok tringat kuih2 melayu yang dah lama tak mkn n tak ingt last makn bila...




then last week, tgh tgok atlas Makanan yang pnuh dgn mcm2 kuih melayu..trus terasa nak mkn kuih lopis...siap citer kat misi 6S...tpi berangan je la kan...nak mkn di sini mana nak cr yang ikut selera kita kan..skli pagi soknya, misi tu awal2 lg call bgtau, dia dah blikan kuih lopis..dia bli nasi terjumpa.so blikan utk aku..dia pesan soh naik wad n mkn nnti rosak plak..
aku dlm hati " terharunya.....ssh pyh org tlg blikan dan ingt kat kita.." bila ckp tima kasih dia kata " allaaa ..ibu mngndung kena la tunaikan hajat..nnti kempunan plak.." tq sgt2 Kak tini..


bila trun wad tghri tu, attenden Klinik Diet Kak Na bgtau aku . " qay, kak na simpankan kuih ketayap kat qay satu ni...bli td ada skit ja..smpn kan kat qay" aduuhhh trasa sebak juga sb org ingtkan apa aku tringin nak makan...memang sejak ms mngndung zaffran dulu, gila kuih ketayap..ada satu kakak ni sllu jual..mmg sdap..tp payah nak dpt.ms aku admit di wad sb nak monitor baby tu, Kak na siap belikan kuih tu 3ringgit kat aku, n hntr kat wad soh aku mkn puas2..dia kata, tkut bsalin awal takdan nak mkn plak...hihihi....Tq sangat2 Kak Na..syukur Ya Allah sb murahkan rezki ibu mngndung ni....


so since dok tringin kuih lopis ni, dok tringat la kuih lopis yang umi sllu buat ms kat Jitra dulu...balut2 dgn daun pisang macam ni, then potong dgn benang yang ikat kat dapur almari...ingt umi sllu buat sb Abang suka makan..kalo boleh hari2 nak makn.siap bw bekal p sklah lagi...so kami sllu buat..skrg harith pun suka juga lopis ni tapi umi dah jarang buat..

dulu umi rajin buat kuih2 melayu ni..sbut ja apa...tepung talam, bengkang ubi, roti, plut sekaya...semua licin....la ni ja jarang2 umi buat sb abu takle makan pulut sb skit sndi..so umi pun buat la kek....but since abu kn pntang makan ni, kek pun jarang kot buat..hihihi...so la ni, dok tringin la kuih2 melayu ni but nak yang umi pnya saja..hahaha..boleh ka gitu...melampau kata budak2 ni....


lpas tu dok cari2 gmbr nak letak dlm ni, ternampak la plak kuih ni..makanya nak laaaa kuih niiiiiiiiiiiiiiii plak...huhuh





tapi apa nak buat..nak buat tak reti satu...acuan n bekasnye pun takde...huhuhu..bukan tak de kat klantan ni but mana nak sama dgn air tgn umi atau air tgn sndri...tak ckup rasa...hihi


PS: ni buat aku nekad nak mula stok bnda2 ni bila msuk rmh bru nnti..so boleh la aku msk utk zaffran n zulffi plak..spya zaffran dah bsar nnti pun dok teringat2 kuih ibu dia mcm aku ingt kuih umi...huhuhu

DHA for the baby

last week cekup with OnG, NOTED THAT  my bby is currently 1057g...zaffran dulu at 28wks dlm 1370g..n sume org dok ckp, aku pnya kndungan kcik kali ni nk bnding dgn zaffran dulu...mmg...if tk pcya tgok gmbr ni....mn lg tmbam n besoo..

at 7 months..zaffran

at 7 mnths..current babe

mmg pun..at 7 mnths msih bole pki bju kurung ke opis lg..perut kcik tk nmpk mn..so atas suggestion dietitian2...hihi...diorg suruh mkn omega 3...so kbtuln ke kbmall mnymbut bday jen, bli la flaxseed oil kapsul...so skrg tpksa la mnelan omega 3 utk ptumbuhan bby sb nk dha utk otak n mta bby.n elak jd pelupa ibunyeeee nnti..huhuhu...


so slain drpd amik flaxseed, bole if nk mkn fish oil but the risk of lead , mercury contamination is quite high sbnrnya in fish oil..n sbnrnya kn thu, mkn fish oil pun, if ikan tu tk mkn all the algae or seaweed yg actually bklkn dha, tk de juga source dha sbnrnye..so kn bhti2 bila bli supplemnt..so the best source adalah drpd tumbuhan mcm flaxseed, spirulina, walnut, almond...so sb aku ni mls nk mngunyah kcg dgn cik athma yg dok threaten nk mai ni, telan je laaa supplemen...mudahan tk jd pelupa, n bby grows up well healthy as abgnyeeee..insyAllah..

membakar kalori di malam hari

 mlm td, we all pulang ke rumah mama slps asar...ms balik ke rmh mama, air tkde di rmh...so tpksa la tggal pinggan mgkuk tak berbsauh..nsib la pgi2 tu dah msk siap semua..so tghri just grg ayam n msk nasi...ms tggal rmh air tkde lg..aku dah cek paip mksure dah ttp semua...tkut bnjir plak...


balik ke rmh dgn mngntuk2 dgn harapan dpt la lelap kan mata trus...tapiiiiiiiiii


smpi je dpan pntu nmpk basah depan pintu.."SUdahh!!!!" kata zulffi..."mesti tak ttp air ni.."
masuk je dlm rmh...aduhaiiii..tgok the whole 1st floor tu berlinang dgn air...rupanya..Cik abang ku ms mndikan anak, tak ttp paip...paip getah tu plak yang jnis boleh laraskan air..so pressure kuat..skli paip tu plaknye menghala ke pntu bilik air..so bila air ada, memang mnyembur laaa ke luar hall tu...bygkan drpd pkul 5ptg cmtu smpi pkul 9 mlm bnyak mana air dah kuar..nsib la air free...huhu..tapii....abis laaa bsah satu rmh....dah la penolak air tu takde..so tpksa la pki penyapu dan aku, lap dgn kain buruk..


seriaunye...tkut jtuh aja sb jubin tu mmg licin kalo basah...so, aku dan zulffi tpksa laaa bekerja keras membakar lemak mlm2 hari...tpksa alihkan sofa2, kemas kotak2 mainan zaffran sb smpi situ pun ada air...nsib la dkt tgga rmh tu tggi skit simen so air tak naik..if tak nak kena tarik kotak2 bwh tga..aduhhhh sengalllll....abis laaa bsah buku2 yang zaffran suka sumbat masuk bwh sofa..yang siannye, buku truck ksygn dia tu lencun..mmg tak boleh dislmtkan dah sb bukan board book...nsib la bli kat bookxcess rm4 je drpd rm14..huhuhu..
zulffi pun kata.."tu la..td makan bnyak..bru ja komen itu ini sb mkn bnyak..skli Tuhan dah bg rezki bnyak sb nak suruh bkr lemak malam2 hari ni.." hihi..aku diam je smbil tersengih......


dlam hati..nasib laaa bukan aku yang tak ttp air...kalo tak...hihihi...alamatnya....smpi anak 7 pun kena peringat suruh jgn careless..sb aku ni mmg jnis careless...sllu kn marah ngan zulffi..mmg wajar pun, sb bapa kali tak ttp suis iron p keja, tak ttp suis ekon....hahaha...

zulffi tgh menyapu lantai..
dan ini budak kenit, kena kurung atas tangga..sbnya, sbuk nak tolong mengelap lantai skli..bukan tak bg tlg, tkut jtuh terguling saja, n nnti basah bju suma plak...lg bnyak keje nak mndi dia...bising dia nak kluar..siap nak pnjat gate lagi...last2 aku bg kain buruk suruh lap air2 atas tngga tu..abis dia lap smpi kering..dah habis, dia sua tngan n kaki nak tlg lap yang di lantai plak...
bila kami tak bg dia kluar, dia tarik semua bil2 dlm tmpt surat....haiyaaa...

tgah berusha nak pnjt kluar

bila dah bosan, dia amik pen dan mula melukis dan menulis...

hobi terkini zaffran, menulis dan melukis..pntg jumpa pen dan kertas....

sahabat dunia akhirat

sahabt sejati sy dunia dan akhirat InsyAllah...

dalam perjalanan ke opis pg td, smbil mndgr tazkirah ust Rujhan d Ikim mngenai sahabt membuat aku banyak berfikir...sekiranya untuk disenaraikan dalam hidup aku slma 28thun ini, berapa bnyakkah sahabat yang aku boleh anggap sebgi betul2 sahabat..nama dan wajah seorang sahabat sy yang jauh dr bumi msia ini, mbuatkan sy tersnyum d pgi hari kerana dia yang pertama sy gelarkan sahabt saya dunia dan akhirat...


sahabat dalam erti kata lain, sahabat yang berada smsa kita ssh dan juga sahabat ketika menangis...cerita ustaz lagi, sahabat yang sebenar dpt kita lihat adalah semsa kita bermusafir..adakah sahabat kita itu mementingkan dirinya sndri atau sahabat kita trut mengambil berat akan kita... bila dipkir2kan, aku boleh senaraikan beberapa shbt yang aku rs smmgnya betul2 shabat, yang btul2 mgambil berat akan tika sng dan juga ssh...


kdgkala dalam dunia skrg, rakan taulan yang kita berjumpa hari2 atau bkerja bsama, tak smstinya sbnr2nya sahabt kita...sahabat yang baik takkan sengaja menyakitkan hati kita dgn sngaja..sahabat yang baik, takkan dgn mudah memperkotak katikkan perasaan sahabtnya....sahabt yang baik juga, tak pernah berkira apa jua harta mahupun tenaga buat sahabtnya..sahabat yang baik, ibarat cermin pd diri kita..mengingatkan kita bukan sahaja kpd urusan dunia, tetapi urusan akhirat....itu yang utama...


sy senang dgn shabat2 skllg sy, yang mudah diajak pergi ke mana2 program tazkirah di usm mahupun di luar sekiranya ada...saya sng bila smbil bercanda sklipun, sy boleh menegur shbt2 sy jika ada yang tidak kena tnpa ada yang trasa dan skit hati mudah2annya...saya senang bila rs ukhuwah yang terbina membuat kan sy trasa mereka spt saudara atau sbhagian drpd keluarga sy sndri...

dan saya bersyukur dgn sahabt yang Allah kurniakan buat sy, esp bila dia campakkan sy ke Bumi Kelantan ini yang jauh drpd keluarga sndri...

Jika...

Owh...pagi2 hari ni...slps menghantar zaffran rizqi ke nurseri, beralih cd nasyed zaffran ke radio Ikim dan tdgr satu sajak drpd A samad Said yang sgt menyentuh hati...sgt ssi dgn tazkirah motivasi pg sblum itu berkenaan mencari sahabat sejati yang mampu memimpin dan menemani perjalanan hidup, mengenai mencari keredhaan Allah dlm kehidupan seharian..

                                                                                             Jika

Jika bukit menjadi gunung 

Gunung menyuburi rimba 

Jika sakit mendorong menung 

Menung meransang dewasa 

Lorong hidup banyak cabarnya

Jika rakit menjadi kapal 

Kapal meningkat bahtera 

Jika bangkit melawan gagal 

Gagal membibit hemah 

Landas hidup banyak tuahnya

(sajak Jika, karya A. Samad Said, dari antologi Rindu Ibu)

at 28weeks

Im at the 28weeks now...seriuslllyyyyyyy...but those around me said my tummy is sooo small compared to the 1st pregnancy..even I admit it..some of my collegues or staffs didnt even notice till I wore my tudung a bit higher than my tummy ,hahaha


I can still wear most of my clothes or baju kurung, I only gain wt around 4 Kg in the 7mnths, I still can wear my smallest ring which I cannot do during Im with Zaffran's...my appetite is fair enough compared to Zaffran where I ate A lOT hence the 20kgs wt gain...
I can still do most of the job around the house but tire easily...had to sleep as early as possible as I would always woke up at 2 am and unable to go to sleep and would started to think of all the unrational things that makes a mother scared...a bit calm after midnite pray n doa ..guess this baby want her mummy to be closer to HIM in the last trim...good bby.. had to take care of the little man and the big daddy...luckily, Allah grant me a  husbd that helps with most of the chores except the kitchen which is my main OP site..still able to cook daily wpun huduh2...=) 


I think this 2nd baby makes me a bit worried as most people said, perut kcik...tak nmpk pun...n the baby movement not as active as Zaffran yang mana ingt ms 7 bln dah siap gerak2 smpi berbonjol2 perut...seeing n knowing all sorts of things in the paeds ward does makes me worried...only To Allah I silently pray n hope that all goes well with this 2nd one..
till tuesday for the nect TCA...hope all goes well inside...insyAllahh..


Oh..and the speculation that the baby is a girl as I mentioned the baby as her...well, hopefully its a her...=) bcause the Ob said, unable to see the testis of the baby so maybe its a girl..InsyAllah..but mgkin juga baby boy yang pemalu..heheh..apa2 pun...mana2 pun boleh..asal shtt....

Zaffran's progress..

for the last 2 days, alhamdulillah...Zaffran is doing well..eating well, playing well, laughing and talking, active as usual..but with a little bit of crankiness and manja2....wanted to cling to me all the time esp during bottle feeding, n eating, refuse to sleep in his buai and wanted to be cuddle to sleep in bed and have to wait till he wakes up as he frequently open his eyes during sleep as if to check whther Im still there or not.....and bak kata istilah abu..tak boleh salah sikit, meti tantrum...

no vomitting, imbalance while walking, able to ride his bike..so far Alhamdulillah good progress....but still got blood coming out from his ear..not sure whether its from the bath water that dilute the blood clot and trickle down or something else is going on in there...still worried till see the ENt..and luckily, Allah helps us by getting me an apmnt today instead of tuesday as I insist that Im a staff and there are blood coming out from his ears still...so had to wait for zulffi again as he had ENT apmnt also but in HKB...so had to wait for him to come and get zaffran...


will update later on, on Zaffran's progress..InsyAllah, hope this will settle my mind a bit...


Tq for all the concerns, sms, msges and comments from frens, families....may Allah bless u alll...


PS : cant update tru Fb as been blocked by USM including twitter myspace dan sewaktu dgnnya...=) only YM avail...connect tru qay6382 if need to sms me...Tq

let the pixs speaks...

on the way to husm

     

utter exhaustion..

safely back @ home...

the fright of a lifetime...

 I just finished giving a talk about weaning diet at the Breastfeeding Class in Usm yesterday, when suddenly my phone vibrated. Its my husband...he told me that Kak Ani, (Zaffran's bbysitter) called and said that he woke up from his sleep crying and bloods coming out from his ear....and now he's screaming his heart out with pain. I was not really worried at that time as I was hoping that it was just a small wound or sumtg...I rushed to my office asap and get my things and left msg to my fren that my son fell...Zulffi send me to the office today as the car's battery wonk out on us last night so I had to wait for him to pick me up..luckily he was already on the way when he called me..the nursery called me but my student silenced the phone..so they dig Zulffi's numb n called him...


as I approached the nursery, Kak Ani was already waiting in front with zaffran only wearing a CD(a coulourful print it is =) ) crying with blood all over his ear and face n mucus from his nose and tears trickling down his face...my heart stopped then and there...i get out from the car even bfore zulffi really stopped the car  and rushed to get my baby....he quickly came and cling to me and started crying again..telling me .."akitttt..akittt..."


we rushed to A&E and was seen to by a SN..even when she was taking Zaffran's BP and PR, he was screaming his heart out from discomfort....he was crying " buka laaaa buka laa...." asking me to take off the BP pad nd PR clip.....after a while we were rushed in to the yellow zone...there, he calmed down a bit and the blood stopped coming out...but he was clinging to me like a baby koala and refused to lay on the bed or taken by his dad..so I had to hold him tightly comforting him with my big tummy and bby crushed...my tears was threatening to fell but I had to be strong or I might collapse crying...which mummy can stand watching his baby in pain......and the baby in my tummy was actively kicking and moving around which is quite unusual as it only active during the evening as if knowing that her mummy is anxious and the sound of her big brother crying telling her he's in pain...


we had to wait almost an hour before a doctor saw to us and by that time, zaffran was able to talk and telling me things but started crying again when the Doctor came to check on him...he asked a lot of questions bout the babysitter, how long we send zaffran to them , is there any fall or any kids pushed something in his ears or something..we had no idea..we called and asked but they said no fall, or no activity using pencils or crayons or anything today..and knowing Kak Ani, she's a very strict person regarding the safety of the kids and never left the kids alone without any sitter around...and they only do drawing or learning activity on someday only...and if zaffran had fall or someone poked something in his ear, he must be crying before that, not when he was sleeping...so we had to wait for ENT as they cannot do anything as they were tooo much blood clot in his ear..The ENT had to see an urgent case so we had to wait..I asked zulffi to go n pray first as it was almost 3...


when he went praying, the doctor came to take zaffran's blood..zaffran was singing The wheels on the bus with me happily then but when he saw the dr he started squirming...i had to hold him tightly with 2 nurses holding him when they wanted to take his blood to rule out any bleeding tendencies..and he was screaming ''jangann laaaa jangannn laa....." i nearly cried that time as before this I have been seeing n hearing the kids screaming in my paeds ward when the doctors take the blood and this was my time to have that experience...the 1st time, the dctr had put in the needle but unable to draw the blood and he was moving it left and right and I know how painful was that to me s an adult but to my 2 yr old son..it must be more painful...as it was unsuccsessful, the more experience nurse came n tried...and this time he was screaming till hoarse  ' tepilaaaaa..tepilaaa...jangan laaa...." but he being a strong boy was looking when they take his blood....i hold on to him tightly consoling him and hold my sobs and tears in check...i dont want him to be more frighten...its about him, not me now.....


zaffran fell asleep sitting on my lap as he was soo exhausted from the screaming and crying and everytg
while waiting for the ENt to come...he refused to be laid on the bed as he was afraid that we would hold him again for another blood taking etc..luckily I saw a paeds Dr coming to see another pt. so I called him and he saw to my son and checked his vitals, eyes n everytg and helped to called the ENT to come quickly....the good thing about working in paeds ward is when u have the advantage of knowing these doctors and people that can treat you kid...=)  i went to pray as it was nearly 4pm...almost 3 hrs in A&E..during that time, the ENt came and checked but they cannot do n see anytging as they were to many blood..so she gave a TCA on tuesday ..hopefully it ws just a local wound, nothing from head trauma or anytging..they gave PCM and Antibiotics, but when I wanted to give to zaffran , luckily I saw that it was amoxycilin and he is allergic to that...sighhh...that's another reason i dont trust doctors other than paeds as they never asked is he allergic to anytg or meds...the paeds never fails to asked....so...no meds for him..luckilyy...


we brought him home and he slept till 6 but with some crying and nightmares I think of all the trauma he went tru...poor boy...and when we woke up he was chattering like his old self n the sweetest sound is when he called me ibuuu ibuuu..n started to tell me stuff in his bby language....and now we just have to wait and seee whether there is any other symptoms to be aware of like vomiting or bleeding and just pray that it was just a local wound..nothing serious....aminn...


i felt that half of my life and soul fly away when i saw him..I hope I never hd to go tru that experience again...everrrr...