Thursday, November 12, 2009

Semoga Allah membalasnya...

hari ini merupakan hari yang penuh dugaan dan cabaran bg aku...hectic...yes..tiring..yes..
I have not been well for a couple of days....flu. fever, coughing...n zaffran is also not feeling well ..he's having this coughing with noisy breathing for almost 2weeks now...i tried to get early rest at night but he these days was a bit clingy to me..he refused to be with his dad...when I left him for a while for hoping to get an early nite sleep, he would started to cry without tears that broke my heart while holding the safety gates to the stairs...when I take him with me, he refused to sleep and playing around..climbing on me, jumping on my stomach, or back...n even when his dad is watching him, I could not sleep unless he's asleep..thus makes me tired, irritated, exhausted....n he also at night was not sleeping well due to his coughing ...
so today I brought him to see the paeds early morning after the morning ward round..thank God Im at the paeds ward, so while waiting for the paeds doc I can supervised my UPM attachment studnt n review the cases as well...but its not easy as Zaffran was very active climbing here n there, open n shutting the cabinet doors n even went n sat in the cabinet....he was soooo active ..till a few people said no wonder I am so slim just taking care of the little boy..huhuu..some of my old patient n their mother was glad that I brought zaffran along as they have known me since before I was married, n while when I was pregnant and had kept asking to see my boy...I have a good relationship with the regular patients in my ward and they seems like my family also..holding n keeping eyes on zaffran makes me sooo exhausted plus with the nightless night added to the stress level.....the doc suspect pneumonia so thats why we had to take the xray. after taking Zaffran to do xray which he cried as loud as possible due to tiredness, hungry n sleepy, I bfed him while waiting for the film.....and he was asleep after a while...I sent him to the nursery n regretfully had to leave him crying so loud n rushed back to husm to review my patients...
N when I arrived, my student told me that I had a spot check by the notorious person...OMG...Im dead!!! for sure!!!but what can I do...I have my responsibility as a mom n also a worker..if I have to sacrifice somethg for my son, what to do....I perform my duties with mix feelings and anxiety..Im already tired n exhausted by then...n of cos...stressssssssss
then I sent El to the airport at 1pm n after lunch, rushed back to husm an arrived back at 210pm...when I came into the lane at the parking lot in HUSM, I had to stopped as a car was waiting to go out from the lane and sort of 'makan jalan' and then another car come into my lane to avoid a big hole to also goes out from the lane..when suddenly like a slow tape being played I noticed this one big car like a mpv or four wheel drive like this murrano or something on my left slowly backed his car...I was mesmerized by it n thank god for my quick response I honned at him but it was too late when I heard a bang..I honned another time but he still backed his car n bang me for the 2nd time...I was sooooo shocked...n Hajra sitting at the back was like...'WHATTT THE...*****?'
i went out of the car n this pakcik went out from this black mpv or sumting...I asked, ' pakcik, pakcik tak tgok dulu ke nak reverse kete? sy hon dua kali tp pakcik jalan juga.." he was like ' saya dah tgok..nmpk takdak kete sy msuk gear sy jalan la..." dua kli aku tnya soklan yang sama dan itu jwbnya....dia sort of kata dia reverse without looking back n he didnt see my comel Kelisa as its lower than his car n dark blue in color n with his very dark tinted glasses, I doubt he even saw me thus making him bump me for the 2nd time....n he was like " takpe..kita gi balai je la..buat report..takde mslh..." without being a bit remorse that he had hit my car n was at fault...and the he was sort of blaming me for coming into the lane when he already gives the signal...what the hecK??whoever gives signal when reversing the car..signal is given when u want to come into a lane or turn around or something...he kept saying " kita pegi balai, buat report...' but as we are already late n I was fuming n shocked at that time, I was a bit blur of what to do...I know what to do as in, asking to see his license to see whther its expired or not, asking his details of adresss etc, check his road tax whether its expired or not but I was kinda in a trance that time...so I asked for his number n he gave it...He mention his name is Haji sumtg...n the way he was acting n even saying his name shows that he was kind ' agah' person in Kelantanese dialect..meaning sumbody that is kinda egositic, sombong or sng kata BONGKAK...he never once said Im sorry even its clearly his fault, he keep blaming me for coming into the lane when he wanted to reverse, he never once offered to pay, he for never once asked for my name or contact number n kept saying 'kete sya takde apa'...memang la...helooooooooo...blkg kete dia tu ada tayar spare tu tau, n dat tayar yang actually bump n kemikkan kete aku...hampes....sakit hati btul.... n as we have to go into the office I asked for his name n num n I will call later to arrange to go to make report or something..I was trying to call the number when n he said that he didnt brings his fon...n I didnt think to get his add n home fon also....

then I called my dad n after discussing with him, he asked me try to get him to pay as the damage is not that bad, but still I have to ketuk my door n repainted it of cos n surely koman2 kena cost around 2 to 300 gaks...n if nk buat report n claim insurance, buat rugi ncd dia or aku aje..n considering dia pakai kete beso n bergaya sakan n as I can see his wife is also "jangak' or bergaya punya style like mak2 datin sumtg takkan la tak bole nak bg kan...lgpun mmg clear2 slah dia...but when I tried to call, takle get tru number dia...dia ckp, default number..apa mkna pun aku taktahu...bnyak kali aku try but tk dapat..sudahhh..dia bg number tipu ke??hmmmmm
so apa aku nak buat ni??sok aku plan nak msukkan iklan dlm usm user tnya sapa doktor yang unckle dia pakai kete sekian2 nama sekian2, boleh tak tlg kontek aku..as pakcik tu dok berlagak kata anak sedara dia keje dktr gak kat husm..so watt..bukan anak sedara dia yang langgar kete aku tapi dia...but if I have keep my head level n rasional, I would n should have asked dktr dkt mana, wad or klinik mana nama apa spya aku bole p cari...
tapi sb aku tgh bara n tired n stress n semua serba tak kena aku tak buat semuaaaaaaa bnda yang ptt aku tahu aku buat wpun time tu aku terpikir..the last time org lggar kete aku, aku buat semua tu sb aku ingt zulffi pesan...but kali ni mgkin sb considering dia orang tua, aku sort of mcm slow skit kot wpun dia terang2 buat gedebe dkt aku....

if still in the end tak dpt kontek, apa lgi aku bole buat is, doa Allah balas balik dkt dia n tntut dkt akhirat kelak je la....itu je aku boleh buat...mmmm n nmpk gayanya aku mgkin bertambah pokai n niat nak buat korban spt terpaksa dikorbankan sb duit ku terpksa dikorbankan buat baiki kete....huhuhu...
sedih,marah, stress, geram, sakit hati....

tp ms solat zohor tu aku baru perasan sumtg..aku pg td kalut dgn zaffran n El tumpang g opis buat aku lupa baca doa amalan aku tiap pg n ptg slps naik kete...
lupa baca Bismillahilazi la yadhurru ma'as mihi shaiun fil ardi wala fissama i wahuwassami un alim'
doa ni jika di baca 3 kali pg dan ptg mmpu slmtkan kita dr sgla kecelakaan...sblum2 ni jika aku baca Alhamdulillah kdg nyaris accident tp Allah lindung..tp hari ni aku lupa, n I have to pay for the mistakes....mgkin ada hikmah dsebaliknya...harap yang terbaik sahaja...huhuuh..
sdihhhhh

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