ini azam saya

azam saya sempena rejab ini :

1. satu hari saya nak dgr pgisian yang boleh di load dpd ikim yang masih blum di block oleh USM
2. lbih bnyak jemaah solat bsama suami dan anak2
3. lbihkan msa melihat dan mbaca Alquran dan kurangkan masa d dpn tv. dan mghadap novel
4. lbihkan masa bsama anak2
5. lbihkan ms spend bsama mama dan abumi  selagi boleh...
6. perbaiki diri sy..kurgkan marah..kurgkan naik suara..lbihkan pluk,puji anak dan tak lupa suami....

mudahan Allah bntu saya mjdi a better muslim dan wife,mom

its a cutie..

cute doggy....with pwetty scenery...in Samyang..

credit to ; 'Ammar or Zaid Muhamamd

solution

see..kejap ja Allah smpikan one solution for me..maybe...anybody nak join sy?

Im lost

sometimes dlm khidupan sehari2, tipu la kalau kata, sy enjoy being a mom...
serius tipu kalau kata being a mom is all rainbow and sweet and sunshine bla bla bla...
sometimes, sy rs, stuck dlm keadaan sy...sy nak ke sana ke sini...sy nak pg shopping, sy nak pg berjalan, sy nak pg msjid...sy rs stuck bila sy tak boleh nak buat smua itu sb ada anak2 yang mgikat sy di rmh...
seriusly, kdg2 sy perlukan ms me time..utk sya membuat bnda2 utk diri sy...pg mgaji..baca novel...baca buku ilmiah, tgok tv...ataupun skdr take ms utk leisure mcm nak mndi lama2, nak enjoy mkn mknn yg sy msak pnt2...nak pg guntg rmbut dan cuci rmbut...segalanya spt tiada ms utk sya...


ms rehat juga sptnya tiada..bila ada ms tluang anak tido skjap, yg sorg lg msih blum tido, jd sy kn tggu..then sorg lg tido, sorg lg pulak bgun...ms nak rht mlm, slgi anak blum lena, sy harus berjaga...anak lena mlm, org lain lena, sy berjaga bila anak tidak sht, dan bila anak tjaga malam....


sy tahu, semua bnda ni semua wanita yg bergelar ibu msti rasa..but tak smua yang ugkpkan..smpn dlm atau most tak ckp scra tbuka di blog...most of the time, i take it positively..but kita pun msti ada up n down...takkan smua bnda sntiasa up shja...bila bckp pd org lain, sllu org kata.."takpe..sbr..besar pahalanyaa...jd ibu, jd istri...pahala disyurga.." .  ye sy tahu..sy paham...when sy ckp pd kwn sy yng blum bkhwin, dia kata , "at least u have kids utk buat smua tu. when i have non" hmmm..terdiam sbntr saya..yerp..btul...sy tahu..sy paham ..again...I am not saying that I hate being a mom...Im trying to share my feelings..to try to find ways how sy nak positifkan diri sy mjdi seorg ibu...how sy nk bhgikan ms sy utk diri sy dan anak2 dan suami dan keja rmh when I dont have an actual guide in that..sb bnd ni tak smua org brani nk say it out loud that I feel stuck being a mom....seriusly...one or two close frens je yg berani ckp bnda ni..itu pun mcm smbyi2 kan.....when sy rs bnda ni semua org rs kot...n i think semua org perlu share bnda ni so at least we learn from each other...sharing is caring kot..esp we as young mothers working, housekeeping etc...bnyak cbrnnnya...


i know, we can learn tru books but wat if nk pgg buku pun takdan...sumtimes, sy nak bw saja anak2 sy ke mjlis ilmu..atau ke msjd..sy igt sy kcil dulu abumi sy sntiasa usung sj sy dan adik2 ke msjd, ke usrah..sy igt berlari2 main di rmh Makcik Ani, ustaz sayuti di Kg pulau Nyioq mlm2..sy ingt umi dan mcik2 berada dlm halaqah ilmu..sy igt itu smua..but suami sy tak gmr sy bw kan anak2 ke msjd..katanya ganggu org nak solat..nnti org mrh..pd sy..biarla org nk mrh..msjd tu rmh dia kah?bkn rumah Allah kah?biarla sy nak terapkan cintakan msjd pd anak2 lelaki sy dpd kcil...ttpi sbb suami tidak suka, sy diamkan....sy tak sbr nak anak sy besar skit..at least zariff dua tahun.so sy bleh bw anak2 sy ke msjd...kdg2 sy spt mahu balik ke Bertam shja..at least msjd nya slmt..tak tggi dan tak bhya spt kbnyakn msjd yang tak child friendly...msjd tggi2.tmpt org prempuan di tgkat atas...jd anak2 berlari2 main d tgga..kan bhya....kenapa bkn org llki yang ddk di atas dan biar org prmpuan di bwh?


Im drowning...yes iim drowning in my misery....past week I thought I was prgnt..yep..its a false alarm...thank God.. I was in a deep stress..I know I couldnt cope with another kid when the LO have my hands full...I dont know what to do if I got another kid on the way...if given my way, 2 is enough for me...
having kids is not just carrying them, born and them feed them etc..I have done that..I have tried to give the best..I bfeed them, give them food, clothes, books etc .but the emotional support, the parenting is the one that I am lost...seriusly...I am lost....I am searching here and there on how to be divide my time for my kids n myself n not to forget my dear husbd...owh..and the house...owh I detest house work...If I have the money to spend, I would just hire a lady to come and clean my house....all I have to worry everyday when I came back home is just play wth my kids, read them books, make crafts etc... each day, i want to take my sons playing outside...shari dah terperuk dlm nurseri..sian anak sy...but then i have to pk nk msk makan etc..
how I dream of that...evry sigle day..esp the night before weeknd, I vow, I will make arts with zaffran tomorow, play more with him...read him more books..and then come tomorrow, i see the house in a mess, the clothes is piling up...the dishes, bottles need to sterile..and not to forget, need to pump to make stock...oh dear God..then all the dreams n plans I had gone when I look at the clock, its already 1pm...need to cook, bla bla bla..then I am already tired n ready to snap at my dear son for throwing tantrum...Oh my..wat a bad mom I am...and it makes me slump more into my misery...guilt, tiredness, sad all blend into one...owh...my dear husbd do helps with the chores..but still...


I am worried of how my kid would turn into in the future...I need to change..i need to find a solutions to my probs before its too late as I see how my son has turn into me in sumway..and I hate that....seriusly...i need to change...I hope, after this 2 weeks, I would have more free times...at least for me... for myself...and I am looking forward to wean off zariff at 2 years..yeah yeah..i know its good for the kid to be breastfed  more than 2 yrs but this is my decisions...i need it.. at least I have breastfeed him til 2years old...i need to do things for myself too...please..please... do not judge...well, its my blog..haha...my life..
 pheww..suddnly rs sdkit release....but still lots to do...please pray for me..to be a better muslim n better mum n wife....need it badly...

blank...

sy cuba deny..but sy rs instinct sy mcm betul....sy btul2 mahu deny....serius kali ni btul2 sy takmauuu..not now..mgkin in the future..org pasti akan kata mcm2 n bg komen mcm2 bila saya kata saya taknak..tapi hnya saya yang tahu sebab smuanya....sgguh sy taktahu macamana nak hadapi jika ia benar...maka saya cuba dan trus cuba utk deny...kwn2 nmpk sy mcm suka sb saya gelak2..but dlm hati saya, sapa yg tahu.....

Little monster on rampage in seoul

in the subway

in the middle of Seoul

 

pwetyy balloonn floats in the tiny stream

 

I wanna exploree

 

fishy fishy

  

yum...sedap betol batu kat suwon niii

Sejukkkkkkkkkkk

    

eiiiii..sheeepppp..live Shaun the sheep

Im bored!!  pnt tgu ibu sopping Cardi

 

explorer

 

I need to lay down..Im boredd

 

birdyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

its colddd

 

lets gooo!!!the bus is comingg!!!

tired after a day walkinggg

My STORK. FRom Kb to Kr

recently we went to Korea..south of cos....a few months before I decided to buy a SSC. after much ado discussion with DH and much contemplation by the patience Liza Yaakub owner, maker , designer and much more of Snuggbaby, we choose this pattern...

first time using, kinda awkward,,esp using it in KB..people tend to stare okayss..esp when I backcarry my babe...they said its like a backpack..of cos...LOL

so here some of the pixs with STORK...

                                                            
                                                                 Review bout STORK :
                                                                          Love it...

 Dear Hubs can wear it..he likes to front carry than backcarry.

 me...likes to back carry so my babe can have more access to the view..and I can kinda entertained him..but had to be careful takut dia grab bnda n i didnt see it..pecah nak bayaq mahaiiii oiiiii

I can just wear it around my waist if I am not using it like a pouch..wpun agak nmpk serabut, but best bila nak shopping...tak bnyak bnda nak pgg n of cos reduce risk tggal d kedaii..mana nak cari yangg oiii..kedai bnayakkkk...

 or  we can just hold it like my dear hubs did...xssh nak lipat n store dlm carrier sleeve..its a god's send actually to have the carrier sleeve...Brill Liz!!!!   if not, jnuh nk bw beg carrier...

 or I can just use it around my waist and then use it to support my babe's weight when he refused to be in the STORK...it's veryyyyy heavenly as I can lean the weight of his 11kg on the STORK rather than lenguh tangan n hip nak support dia bila berdukung.....

I love it esp I had to travel tru subway naik trun tangga yang steep, naik bukit trun bukit nak pg subway n g berjalan...backcarry my DS tak la strain sgt n memenatkan...Zariff mula akan scream ms nak pki, but once start jalan dia akan snyap n enjoy the scenery...once naik subway I dont mind berdiri but Ahjuma smua akan bg seat suruh duduk...so tpksa buka...once nak pki balik...owhh bercinta.....

at the end of the week stay in Korea, My hubs, my bros, my sis in law to be..smua dah pndi lipat Stork into carrier sleeve...and my bro pun kata, bgus bnda ni..multitasking...so boleh la beli once ada anak..hihih...ORRR maybe u can borrow mine..if I blum letgo ye Ammar...hihih...

Rate : ten over ten...thumbs UP snuggbaby....

Credit Photo to : 'Ammar Muhammad & Zaid Muhammad..hihih

FROM KB to Kr

tak smpt nak update travelog so pix dulu.... enjoyyy

last day @ work beforeeee....

sejak blogger berwajah baru..aku trus myepikan diri..bukan mls..but sb tak jumpa mana butg nak buat post..LOL...dan mls nak godek2 sbnrnya...


today is teh last day bekerja...exsaited...agaks...sb nak bercuti lama for 2 weeks....last cuti lama ms bslin hr tu...yang tu tak syiok..cuti lama pun but sakit..takle p mana..ni nak p jenjalan...kiki...


my destination issssssssssssssssssss.....  



keskeskes...nowadays org rerata pg korea dpd pg jepun..maybe bcos ia lbh murah berbanding Jepun kot..I dunno..have been planning for almsot a yr...beli tket last yr lg ms A.A buat promo..plan asal nak pg ALONE bsama adik...wahhh..aku dah syiok abis dah...sb nak g jalan ala2 single mcm tu..cik abg tamau ikut..so anak2 Umi dah sggup jaga...skli nya...adik2 ipar sbuk nak ngekor la plaksss bila bgtau nak pg...oke la..fine...dan cik abng mereka pun last2 nak pg sb adik dia nak ikut...so since dia nak pg,,me decided to bring Zariff..disebabkan stok susu yang tak berapa nak cukup utk tggal dua mgu....so all in all we all akan pg ber8..6 adults with 2 kids....


so zaffran tggal n bw zariff saja....owh sian abang long kena tggal....sedeyy?mmg sedey...but as ummi ckp,,zarif kita bleh dukung p sana sini..but zaffran, dgn aktif nya lari sana lari sini..takdan nak pg mana n nak bli brg ke apa...so tggal la...payah nak hndle dua skligus kot....next 2 yrs insyAllah nak p UK konvo Achik, kita bw dia plak..tggal adik Zariff la ye plak...If takde bby baru...kikiki....


brg2 ibu dah siap pack 2 weeks ago..tu pun bapa kali repeck...nih pun smlm menambah lg baju...sok balik bertam, akan repeck lagi..ish ish ish....Kami akan bertolak ke penang esok..utk tggalkan Zaffran dgn Wan dan Tokmi....Zaffran eksaited amat nak balik lama rumah wan...dia tahu ibu nak p keje lama...but tktahu dia paham sampai tahap mana..but mlm2 nak tdo mmg pluk...ckp ibu nak pegi keje lama...zaffran dok dgn umi dan wan...nak tdo gosok gigi,shoo dulu...jgn nangis2..jgn ngamuk2..jgn buat prgi...dok molek dehhh...
nnti umi kan nak bw g sekolah bru,,ada saing baru....wann nak bw g naik feri...naik mtr kan....hihi...dia pun ok...but lm lps tu, dia ckp...tapi affe nak tido ibuuu...adehhhhh....ibu bergenang dah....
but I know he will be in a very good hands....Abumi kan bela anak 7 org..plus anak2 asuhan dan angkat tu,,mmg terer hbis la bab jaga bdk ni..harap2 zaffran tak buat prgi...n tak conteng Imac wan lagi...kuikuikui...wan, sila la childproof rumah ya..smpn molek gajet2 deh....kang cucu men..kuikuikui....


sabtu, kami akan bertolak seawal subuh ke Penang Airport...tkut kn tggal plane..bkn bleh kira A'A ni...baca blog Norhayati Berahim...takut aku weh,.dah la adik ipar aku dua kali dah kena tggal plane nak ke KL disebabkan kesengalan A'a ni....so mudah2an perjalanan kami dipermudahkan Allah..


niat aku bkn nak shopping mana but skdr nak melihat luasnya bumi Allah...lihat khdupan org lain slain msia..belajar membuka minda aku dgn lbih luas akan ertinya hidup ini...spt kata Ustaz Hasrizal pg td di IKIM...kita harus belajar melihat dunia dan khdupan secara BIG PICTURE THINKING....mudah2an Allah berkati perjalanan kami...